2018 Classic: Preview

  Cletus Van Damme (cletus_van_damme@hotmail.com)

The Giants win the pennant! The Giants win the pennant! 1951 – It was The Shot Heard ‘Round the World. 67 years later, it’s still the most iconic play call in baseball history. 2017 – The Classic, with its own version; the play that has been called ‘the greatest moment in KSSL history’, Splinter hits a grand slam! Splinter hits a grand slam! I cannot believe it! It created whispers in the wind, spreading like wildfire – The Shot Heard ‘Round Kilbride…

Finally we are back, for everyone’s favorite day of the year, the 10^th edition of the Classic (It started off with a 1 year experimental Olympic like program, where nobody won, and in between there was the Club Championship). This year is looking to be the most competitive classic in its history. There is much more parity than ever. On paper, any team can truly win it this year; no blowing it up your ass. Can Valley overcome all challengers, some late edition losses to the roster, by becoming a quad squad, winning four titles in a row? After last year’s legendary game between Valley and Wild Rose, which lead to the Mighty Valley claiming their third title in a row (beating Kilbride in the finals), can the Classic, once again, upstage itself? On to the predictions…

After the embarrassment of the ’16 Classic, Kilbride bounced back somewhat last year, before losing in the finals, making it believable that they could once again strike fire by taking down another Classic championship. The team I’ve nagged on for years, for being ancient, has lowered their average age drastically,

Reggie has crossed over to the dark side

but you can’t fool anybody boys! Adding one 19 year old kid doesn’t suddenly make the rest of you guys younger! Even so, da Bride have added a couple of solid additions to their roster, with original teammate and long standing member, Luke Stoyles, returning to the team after playing for Wild Rose last year. Can Kilbride bounch back even further, by breaking the tie with Valley, winning a record 5^th Classic title?  

Morely Smith is back as captain at rover, no wait … shortstop? Is this real? I think realistically it’s the only possibility. The team is really missing an elite range infielder. It is filled with corner infielder and 2^nd basemen, so who else can fill this position? Moe did play a game at SS a few weeks back, and had a really good game there. The rest of infield will probably consist of some combo of Jonny Murph/Thompson/Rob at third and 2^nd base. I suppose they’ll move around a bit, with Paul Crane filling in at 1^st. Jason Stead, making possibly his 1^st Classic, will also help behind the plate and may get an inning or two per game at 1^st. Nick McDonald will man the backstop, with Luke returning as pitcher.

The outfield is a lot more stable, even with the potential loss of Moe, with Cletus Van Damme’s all-time favorite player Jason Hedges, making the call up to the Kilbride squad. The man we all call Reggie has been the most improved player in the league this year. He was always lethal behind the plate, but his defense has improved tenfold this year. No longer are the days where he’d let the ball drop in. Rounding out the outfield will be Jeff Murphy at CF, Kilbride living legend JJ Dray in RF, and Mike “’Lil Esso” Williams at rover.

Below is the projected depth chart and batting order for Kilbride

Kilbride Lotto Corporation (KLC) lists Kilbride’s odds of winning the Classic at 4-1

Kilbride Will Win If...

• Moe plays solid at short
• Jeff Murphy plays like he can
• Thompson plays more along the lines of 2012 Thompson, not of 2017.
• PEDS, stat! PEDS!

Where are my supplements?

I need my supplements

Where are my supplements?

I need my supplements

CVD Prediction

4^th Place. The top 7 hitters in the order are pretty dynamic, but I’m worried about how strong the infield will be, especially if Moe stays at rover. At the end of the day, the angels will be weeping in Kilbride.

Oh, poor Wild Rose. They were so close to going to the finals last year, all they could do was taste the sweet nectar of a championship title. Unfortunately for these dumb dumbs, their dreams were quickly shattered by the unlikeliest of heroes. With only one out remanining in the game, after a controversial walk, loading the bases, it set the stage for Steve Kenny to channel his inner Bobby Thompson strength, hitting a grand salami, tying the game! The bleecher creatures were never this loud, erupting into utter shock and applause, and I'd imagine the only thing that went into the minds of Wild Rose must have been, as GOB Bluth would say, I’ve made a huge mistake. Wild Rose would shortly afterwards lose in extra inings, with the hangover of this soul crushing defeat being too much to overcome, losing to Kilbride in the semi-finals.

The question is, has Wild Rose learned from their past mistakes, and will the addition of a few new neighborhood league members finally put this team over the top?

Will Wild Rose collapse as Blart did on this ill fated day?

The outfield is a solid bunch, consisting with team Captain Steve Brown in RF, the man once known as ‘Super Spear’ Bob Kent in CF, and former team Captain Chris Whelan sharing duties in LF with new league member Mike Kenny. Trevor ‘Chuggy” Burke will be roaming around in rover.

The infield is better than it ever has been with new team members Jason Fleming and Paul Brothers taking over at SS and 3^rd base respectively. That’s a solid left side of the field. Dave Penney and Nate Martin will share the job at 2^nd base, Blair Marshall at 1^st base, and Keith ‘Weiner’ Lee behind the plate. Finally, Jason Whelan will be chucking the ball.

Below is the projected depth chart and batting order for Wild Rose. 

Kilbride Lotto Corporation (KLC) lists Wild Rose’s odds of winning the Classic at 4-1

Wild Rose Will Win If...

• Chuggy actually hustles for once (no twice, he actually ran hard on a grounder last week! That’s called progess)
• Brownie/Fleming/Shark: 2 out of 3 have to play huge
•  Playoff MVP Nate Dogg shows up
• The bottom 3 of the lineup can’t hit at the clip they’ve done so far in the regular season
• The team plays with the passion of Dr. Hook in the video below (check it out!)

CVD Prediction

3^rd Place. Wild Rose are deeper than ever, but the bottom of the order is a little shaky. Predicted low winds on the day, may mean more balls being hit into the gaps, and there are two other teams with better defensive outfields. Unless this team has Carrie, to carry them, they’ll fall just short of the finals.

Let’s interrupt your scheduled programming for a brief intermission…

I’d like to introduce a special columnist and a great friend of mine Jimmy Rodden. If you didn’t know before, Jimmy is one of the founders of the delicious league we all get to be a part of, the KSSL. He was also the long-time Captain for Kilbride before he moved away to Alberta. Jimmy loves the Classic so much he even flew home just to play in it the first year he went away. He just couldn’t get enough. So let me shut the fuck up and let Jimmy tell you his story.

Jimmy Rodden ‘Why I Love the Classic’

When the Classic started it was Kilbride vs "the Valley", just like it was in all my youth.....our biggest rivalry.  I went to the field with hate in my bones for those annoying Bumble Bees. Of course it didn’t help that they got the best of us most of the times. I remember us eliminating them in the 16 under provincials, Herb Stead grounded out to me at second base to end the game.....I was taunting him as the ball came to me!! Then as we aged and made our way to the Huck, the faces changed but the annoying squad known as the Valley remained.

The fact that they were younger, and yes better on paper, made it more fun when we beat them!! But enough

The founding fathers.

of that, yes the Classic is about competition, but it is the bonding, seeing my buddies. Trying to stay sober like the Valley so we can perform in the championship game, and ultimately ending up all messed up!! There is also the legendary performances, Dwayne Prince and the Misfits. And the one I never seen, and even though it was "the Valley".....walking a hitter to pitch to Steve Kenny only to be burned. How about Blair Marshall putting his life on the line as he attempted to take on the kegs next to the field, lol? I was playing poker with Larry Marshall recently, and to buy back in you had to also eat some Kibbles and Bits.....yes dog food. And as Larry happily ate the Kibbles I thought of Blart dancing on the keg. The fact that the classic is different now, more competitive is surely a good thing, as well, and I hope to be a part of it soon. I love the mocking, cheering, jeering at the field throughout the day and the post classic party at Luke’s. It kills me to miss my 3rd straight classic, but what I miss the most and love the most about the classic is putting on the Red with JJ, Thompson, Johnny, Moe, Luke,  Phil, and company and taking Pride in Kilbride!!

Jimmy, that was beautiful! As the founder of the league, we all thank you!

Hey fella’s check this out. ALC finally added us to Pro-Line. Get your bets in!

Now back to your regular scheduling progam….

Ched Whelan thought he had it all figured out last year. The captain of this ragtag loveable bunch was totally

Ched is literally the only player on the Misfits I have an image of.
It's probably time we updated our photography.

convinced he had a secret weapon to unleash, Trojan horsing the entire Classic. He would one up them all. Aha! His Weapon X? Knuckleball thrower Dave Rowsell. The problem for the Misifts was Rowsell never knew how dear the Classic is to all of our hearts. His ole buddy Madge told him it was cool to get wasted. The issue at hand is Rowsell didn’t seem to understand that Brownie was talking about the day of the Classic, not the night before. So here is Rowsell showing up to the classic still half drunk, with little sleep. What a guy! The solution to this was, an elite pitcher completely falling on his face, and letting his troopers down. So what I have to ask is, what is Rowsell up to on the eve of the Classic?

The Misfits have arguably the best outfield in the tourney with former league MVP Ched leading the way in LF. David Gosse will be tracking shit down from CF, and the league’s version of Charlie Hustle, Adam Fitz in right. Ryan Clarke will probably take a stab at it in rover.

The infield will have Jays Captain Colin starting at SS. His fellow Jays members former gold glover Dexter Spurrell at 3^rd, Wayne Dillon at 2^nd, and Ryan Foley at C. Dan O’Leary and Stu Power will share 1^st base duties, and Weapon X Rowsell taking the mound.

Below is the projected depth chart and batting order for the Misfits.

Kilbride Lotto Corporation (KLC) lists the Misfits odds of winning the Classic at 4-1

The Misfits Will Win If...

·  Rowsell is not a dick, and hits like he has in the regular season

·  Gosse gets on base consistently

·   Colin makes the easy plays

·   Fitz = Rose
·  Ched plays like He-Man, as he has done many times before

CVD Prediction

2^nd Place. The outfield doesn’t quite rival the Valley’s historic OF from a few years ago, but it’s pretty damn good. This is a solid roster from top to bottom, with better than average bottom of the order players, but at the end of the day I think this team will be the bridesmaids of the tourney. Don’t you know your Queen?

The team who is famous for blasting out to Europe’s The Final Countdown every chance they can get, have most certainly not played like anything is final for them, except for the other teams incapability towards beating them. The Mighty Valley have now won three straight Classic championships, back-to-back in dramatic fashion. Not bad for a team that could never grind one out. Fake news! After Steve Kenny hit and danced (oh that dance!) last year as if he was Rasputin, Russia's greatest love machine, can this elite squad finally be taken down?

If there was ever a year for the Valley to fall, this could be it. Again, the parity amongst the four teams is the best there ever has been, and on top of this, Valley has, just as last year, lost a couple of big bodies. The days of the Smith Bros, Pikey and Jacobs may be gone forever. The other question is, who to put on SS and RF?

Koo has some tough tactical decisions to decide.

Back at the helm for the third straight year is the never ending Classic hot dog champion, Kevin “Koo” Condon. Koo has primarily played in the outfield throughout his KSSL tenure, but a few years back, when body after body dropped he switched over to SS, leading the way for Valley. He made the fulltime switch to SS this season and has easily been the best SS this regular season. Valley have been known for their shutdown D, especially with its daunting defensive OF with Robbie Smith and Koo Dogg being the mainstays. Gord Payne, Craig Cowen, Chris Murphy, and Scott Cullen have usually filled in the remaining corner outfield positon with huge success. So what exactly are Valley going to do with an abundance of infielders on their roster this year? The thinking here is that Koo goes back to his old stomping ground in CF, with Gordo (LF) and Scotty (RF) filling out the corners. If Koo stays at SS, expect Gord to play CF, Scotty LF, and Skinny or Freddie in RF. Tommy Harris will round out the OF, playing the God’s gift of luxury role, over at rover.

In the infield there are a few more questions. Koo may stay at SS, and even Tommy is a possibily to play there. I’m thinking Andrew “Dusty” Northcott or Aoo Dogg may take the helm. Pretty much nobody has really seen what Dusty has been up to in years, but rumour has it Joey Cole was caught telling someone “He’s in midseason form”. If that is the case, Aoo Dogg will stay at his best position 3^rd base, former gold glover and original Classic commish Skinny Whitten at 2^nd, Joey Cole at 1^st, and last year’s Classic MVP Kenny behind the mound. Freddie Cox and Sebastien “Baze” Vallin will handle catching duties.

Another thing of note, Trevor Walsh was supposed to play with Valley this week but unfortunately his wife’s uncle passed away in an unfortunate accident. Our thought’s are with you buddy. Take care.

Below is the projected depth chart and batting order for Waterford Valley.

Kilbride Lotto Corporation (KLC) lists Valley’s odds of winning the Classic at 5-2

Valley Will Win If...

• Someone hits a grand slam for them with one out remaining in the game
• Koo keeps eating hotdogs
• One reliable, or unexpective, power hitter emerges
• Koo continues to eat those dirty dogs.
• If Koo goes in the outfield whoever plays SS has to do work
• Koo = hotdogs
• If Koo plays short whoever is in RF has to do work
• As always with Valley, it’s all about defense

CVD Prediction

1^st Place. Champions of the ‘18 Classic. Just like last year, Valley are out another one of their superstars but they still have arguably the deepest roster in the tourney. You come at the King, you best not miss.

Will Tommy's rust at the Huck affect his play?

MVP

Koo’s done it, Pikey has done it, hell Kenny even did it! How about arguably Valley’s best player and former captain. It is Tommy’s time, baby!

In Closing…

For Valley, this is the eve of everything.

See ya at the Huck!

2017 Classic: Preview

Cletus Van Damme (cletus_van_damme@hotmail.com)

It’s that time of the year again, folks. It’s time to treat yo self, as Tom and Donna have been known to do, and scream “It’s the best day of the year!”. Yes, that’s right, the Classic it back, baby!

After last season’s classic game between the mighty Valley and the Misfits, everyone’s blood is running on high, to get the sweet taste of beer out of the Classic’s cup. Everything is up for grabs. Friendships are bound to be destroyed, Weiner may fall into a ditch again, and Koo Condon is destined to retain his hot dog championship medal. Now on to the predictions!

No hugs for Luke this year , courtesy of the 'bride.

After the controversy of years past, Wild Rose are still chugging along, looking to finally breakout in the Classic, after basically sucking it up since this expansion team formed.

This year, will new controversies appear after the late switch in regards to Chris Murphy going back to his rightful team Valley, and swapping him out for Brian Humby? We shall see…

Once again, the team is led by Captain Steve “ Madge” Brown, who is destined to look like a complete fool in CF. Imagine that! Rounding out the rest of the outfield will be former captain Chris “Sharky” Whelan in LF, ‘the better Howell” Mark in RF, and Bob “Super Spear” Kent at rover. It’s possible BK and Howell will swap spots.

The infield will consist of Trevor Burke at SS, former Kilbride hero Kirk Stoyles at 3rd, the latest addition to the team, Humby at 2nd, Nate “Turn on the Jet Pack” Martin at 1st and Weiner and Chris Ryan splitting catching duties. Another Kilbride legend Luke Stoyles, makes his debut for Wild Rose at pitcher.

Below is the projected depth chart and batting order for Wild Rose. 

Kilbride Lotto Corporation (KLC) lists Wild Rose’s odds of winning the Classic at 5-1 

Wild Rose Will Win If... 

• Chuggy has to take the stick out of his ass and avoid hitting solo home runs.
• Shark has to take the stick out of his ass and avoid hitting solo home runs.
• Brownie has to take the stick out of his ass and avoid hitting solo home runs.
• The Stoyles bros played like they did for Kilbride circa 2010-13.
• At least ½ of the bottom half of the order have to come through.

CVD Prediction

4th Place. Wild Rose are too top heavy. I don’t think the bottom tier guys can get ‘er done. It’s going to be a lonely day for the squad.

 After an embarrassing performance in last year’s Classic, Kilbride look to rebound, by adding a couple of past ghosts to their lineup. Will it be enough or will this aging group sink even further?

Will Thompson's return mean Kilbride will be drinking from the cup?

Leading the team off again this year, at rover, is captain Morely Smith, who is coming off a mental breakdown of epic proportions, after Ryan Foley rolled a few balls in on him a few weeks back. Can Shoeless overcome his disgust of a lack of quality pitches or will he come through as he has in the past. The remaining outfield will have JJ Dray and Scott Howell splitting duties in LF, the return of former player Ross Courtney in CF and Jeff Murph Bonez in RF.

 The infield is to say, shaky at best. Billy Gorman will probably play 3rd base, Scott Murphy will possibly play SS, Mike Baird will play 2nd base and Jonny Murphy will round it off at 1st. You may see Billy play a bit of SS and the other guys can honestly fill at any of the other spots. All I can say is … a bag of holes! Mental Murphy will take the mound and former Kilbride legend Jason Thompson makes he’s long awaited return at catcher (I have no idea where he will play in all honesty). CVD favaorite Mike Brock will also get into the mix at 3rd base.

Below is the projected depth chart and batting order for Kilbride Kilbride 

Lotto Corporation (KLC) lists Kilbride’s odds of winning the Classic at 4-1 Kilbride 

Will Win If...

• Thompson plays like a superstar, not Willie Mays of the Mets
• The infield has to play solid D
• Moe avoids being a big baby
• Jeff Murphy starts to hit. Word!
• PEDS, stat! Yes PEDS!

CVD Prediction 

3rd Place. The IF just doesn’t match up. They have a few big boppers and their outfield is very good, but all they’ll be feeling is a whole lotta flatlands.

It was the back pedal that never happened. After last season’s demoralizing defeat while leading by 3 or 4 runs with only 1 out to go, and after Stu Power failed to catch Weiner’s little pop fly that started the winning rally, can the Misfits let sleeping dogs lie, and bounce back claiming their 2nd Classic

Father of the Year Jason Hedges, celebrating good times

title?

The outfield is lead by reigning triple crown winner and league MVP, captain Ched Whelan in LF. The outfield is pretty fucking stacked with Dave Gosse in CF and Adam Fitz in RF. That shit is pretty stellar. Colin Piercey will be moving around all day but will probably get the majority of his reps at rover. MIA this year is Father of the Year Jason Hedges, who in the future is going to have to come up with a new birthday date for his lovely daughter.

The infield is led by former Misfits captain Adam “Fake Name” Smith. All of the teams up here should pray he hits as good as he does in fast pitch. Rounding off the rest of the infield is former gold glover Dexter Spurrell at 3rd, new league member Wayne Dillon at 2nd, with Ryan Clarke getting his share of looks there as well, and Ryan Foley at 1st. You may see Nick “Goffy” McDonald gets some looks at 1st and catcher but I have a sneaking suspicion a player from this team is going to be sent to Wild Rose, with Blair Marshall’s late dropout. The dynamic duo of Stu Power and Sebastien Vallin will in all likelihood be behind the plate. Another new league member Dave Rowsell will probably pitch because Ched says, “he throws junk like nobody in the league has”.

Below is the projected depth chart and batting order for the Misfits. 

Kilbride Lotto Corporation (KLC) lists the Misfits odds of winning the Classic at 3-1 

The Misfits Will Win If...

• The outfield outplays Valley’s
• Ched’s secret weapon Rowsell continues to fool hitters
• A few of the underlings (Clarke, Foley, Stu, Baze) step it up.
• Smitty can’t be bobbling balls at the rate he has in the regular season.
• Fitz plays like he did in the first 7 weeks of the season, not week 8

CVD Prediction 

2nd Place. The outfield is simply loaded. Rowsell has been baffling hitters all year, but will last year’s complete mental breakdown continue to haunt them? I believe the earth won’t be humming for these guys.

The team of destiny! The greatest show on dirt and grass! After destroying the entire field in round robin play in last year’s Classic, the Mighty Valley had their backs against the wall in the championship game. It took an 8 inning game (nobody knew if it was 7 or 9 inning by the 4th inning, so it was agreed to make it 8) for Valley to rally back to win the game. They really needed that extra inning. If it wasn’t for Valley hater turned Valley player, Keith “Weiner” Lee’s clutch two out hit, it would have all been over. But the gods were on the side of Valley that day, and as President Adama would say “So say we all!”

The Mighty Valley are the reigning back-to-back champions, and they are going out to claim the first three peat in Classic history. Can they succeed in doing what Kilbride failed to do years ago?

The Brothers Smith will be missed

Returning as captain again this year is the undisputed Classic hot dog champion Kevin “Koo” Condon in CF. In LF will be the league’s current HR and RBI leader Gord Payne. In RF will be Scott Cullen, and back at rover after missing last year’s Classic, because he’s a totally awesome son unlike a fellow Valley player who shall remain nameless, is former captain Tommy Harris. Tommy has retired from regular season play so will his absence of using shitty bats hinder his abilities?

The infield consists of current batting average leader (although he doesn’t quality as of now) Andrew “Aoo” Condon at 3rd base, the league’s greatest defensive SS Dave Pike, and former Classic commish Skinny Whitten. Chris Murph will move around and play everywhere and Joey Cole will be used to spell Skinny for bit. Freddy Cox makes his Valley debut behind the backstop, and another Valley newbie Cory “Trevor” Walsh will probably move around a bit as well (1st, C?). The self anointed greatest KSSL pitcher of all time Steve Kenny will be chucking the ball from the mound.

The big question mark for Valley is the loss of three legends, brothers Rick and Robert Smith, and Chris Jabobs. Rick was the hero in last year’s Classic, ripping a walk off double for the win, and to go with being arguably the greatest and most dangerous hitter in league history, this is a gigantic loss. Then there’s Robbie, who is arguably the best defensive outfielder in league history. Then throw in Jakes huge bat, this is a lot of shit to overcome. Can Valley do it?

Below is the projected depth chart and batting order for Waterford Valley.

Kilbride Lotto Corporation (KLC) lists Valley’s odds of winning the Classic at 2-1 

Valley Will Win If... 

• Defense, defense, defense
• Koo keeps eating hotdogs
• Gordo doesn’t go crazy Gordo
• Koo continues to eat those dirty dogs
• Pikey has to get out of his hitting slump • Koo = hotdogs
• Need at least one reliable HR hitter

CVD Prediction 

1st Place. Champions of the ‘17 Classic. Yeah, they’re losing three huge players, but the team is stacked from A to Z. The infield is sick defensively and even with Robbie gone, all four outfield spots are pluses. Going for the three peat means there is no team this hungry…

MVP: Gord Payne. He’s hot, no no no, he’s GORGEOUS!!!


In Closing…

Sorry for the half ass report. Blame Steve Brown for being a slave trader. True story... See ya at the field!

2016 Classic: Preview

Cletus Van Damme (cletus_van_damme@hotmail.com)

After hearts were shattered and friendships nearly broken, everyone’s favorite event was put on hold for the friendlier, more Kumbaya, Club Championship tournament last year. Now after a one year sabbatical, yes, the Classic is back and better than ever! Or is it?

Kumbaya my lord, Kumbaya...

Let me skip past the debacle of the aftermath of the ’14 Classic (because frankly, enough time was spent on it) and talk about the now. After last year’s Club Championship (which I boycotted and very nearly went into permanent retirement), for many of the people involved it was a terrific day but it seemed to be missing the pizzazz of previous years. On top of this, there was very little talk of what was going to go down on the last Saturday in July this year. The odd comment or hushed tone would come out from time to time but nobody wanted to take the reins towards what was actually going to occur. Then a late night, behind the scenes, email changed history forever.

Steve “Madge” Brown thought enough is enough, it’s time for a change, and sent out a Morse code message to the other league leaders, telling his fellow friends and foes to drop the bullshit and let’s get back to basics and bring back the ole Classic. Each team has to pick 10-12 players and whoever shows up is in. The other members of this group all agreed and a treaty was signed and delivered. The Classic was officially back! The one downside for the tournament is due to the lateness of confirming its revival, some players who may have worked their schedules around making it, didn't really have the chance to.

Alright, so now that we’re done with how the Classic is back, let’s talk about the teams and make some predictions.

Sharky's status is Wild Rose's looming issue

Wild Rose are making their second appearance in the Classic. This time around, the team is led by Captain Steve Brown. Brownie, the new savior of the tournament, may have a stacked deck going against him. First of all, Trevor “Chuggis” Burke was a late scratch to the tournament. This is a huge loss for the team seeing how Chuggy has been one of the better hitters in the league. This year he is 3^rd in the league in hitting, with a scorching .618 BA. To go along with this he finished 6^th in the league with a .550 BA last year. This is irreplaceable. To go along with his amazing bat he was expected to play arguably the most important defensive position in the game, shortstop. To add to their potential misery, Chris Whelan as of last word, wasn’t sure if or how much he could play.  Sharky has easily been one of the league’s all-time great hitters, leading the league in home runs only last season.

Wild Rose’s roster consists of Sharky, potentially in left field, Super Spear Bob Kent in LF and Brownie in RF. Mark Howell will probably play in rover.

Kirk Stoyles is making his debut as a Wild Rose member

The infield will consist of the latest team defector, former Kilbrider, Kirk Stoyles on 3^rd, Greg Buck on short, Dave Penney on 2^nd, Nate Martin on 1^st, and former KSSLer Craig Sheppard behind the backstop. Chris Ryan will probably be pitching.

This is a decent lineup, but with Chuggy out of the lineup and Shark’s playing time a question mark, Wild Rose is basically a team in flux.

Below is the projected depth chart and batting order for Wild Rose.

Kilbride Lotto Corporation (KLC) lists Wild Rose’s odds of winning the Classic at 6-1

Wild Rose Will Win If...

• Shark has to play and play very well.
• Buck and his bad case of the ipps suddenly vanishes and he continues to hit the ball at an elite level.
• Bob Kent has to be prove he can play CF (I have no idea if he can).
• Brownie has to be playoff MVP Brownie, not selfish solo home run Brownie.
• Stits’ Classic experience has to rub off on the rest of the guys.

CVD Prediction

4^th Place. Wild Rose were initially going to be my sleeper pick to win the whole thing but with the definite loss of Chuggy and Shark’s status up in the air, along with two guys on the roster who haven’t even played a game all year, it’s hard to see this team going far. They still have talent but it’s probably too much to ask for everyone to play great at the same time. In the end I only see grim hearts and black roses for their future.

These former champs are led by the Chad Whelan, the Classic’s version of Ocavio Dotel. Ched has played on every conceivable version of a team during the Classic’s entire history, anywhere from Valley to the likes of The Rejects. This year brings his second tenure as the Misfits Captain.

After shocking all of Kilbride with a Classic title in ’09, it’s been all downhill for these lovable bunch of misfits. Can the worm turn once again for this ragtag group? 

Will wifey give Reggie the go for Saturday?

The outfield consists of Ched in LF, Adam Fitz, who has taken his game to a new level this year (currently hitting .515), in CF and CVD favorite Jason “Reggie” Hedges possibly in RF. A big shout out goes out to Reggie for his newly minted two-time dad status. Reggie was a game time decision because his other half had her due date set on for Classic day, but seeing how she had a baby girl a couple of days earlier than expected, he may just be able to make it. Making up the rest of the outfield is Paul Brothers who will play rover (there’s also a possibility we may see him at SS).

The infield consists of former gold glover, and longtime Misfit great, Dexter Spurrell at 3^rd, Misfits legend Adam Smith at short, Colin Piercey at 2^nd, a combo of Ryan Foley and Corey “Goyboy” Goyman at 1^st and Keith “Weiner” Lee behind the plate. Stu Power, who is coming into the Classic red hot with his amazing assortment of pitches will be on the mound. Rounding out the roster is potentially Sebastien “Baze” Vallin. Poor Baze-O unfortunately showed up to the Huck last Saturday thinking it was the Classic and work commitments might force him out this week.

Also of note, apparently Fake Name may not be able to play the entire day so you may see some kind of combo swapping of Adam, Brothers and Colin at SS, 2^nd and rover. They’re all flexible enough to move around.

Below is the projected depth chart and batting order for the Misfits.

Kilbride Lotto Corporation (KLC) lists the Misfits odds of winning the Classic at 5-1

The Misfits Will Win If...

• Adam has to play, period.
• Ched has to play like Ched, well actually maybe even a tad better.
• A few guys in the bottom order have to step it up (Foley/Goyboy/Weiner/Stu).
• Whoever they go with at short has to get the job done defensively.
• Brothers’ bat in past years has to make a return (his current AVG just isn't cutting it!).

CVD Prediction

3rd Place. This is another solid lineup but one thing that may go against them is the possibility of having 13 players (is Ryan Clarke playing in this?) on the roster. With this amount it could lead to diluting the batting lineup a bit. Even so, they have a very solid outfield and the infield has players that can move around, if need be. They also have the top end quality players that you need to win a tourney, so they actually have a real shot at winning this thing. Having said that, at the end of the day I feel they’re going to go only where eagles dare, falling short of the championship game.

Let’s interrupt your scheduled programming for a brief intermission…

A year or so ago I was watching some sporting event. I can’t remember exactly what it was but it was a pretty big event, something along the lines of the AFC Championship game or one of the major sports all-star games. Lo and behold the main halftime act was the guy above, this Latino suave douchebag. Just look at him, don’t you just wanna jab the fucker in his throat? He had all the bitches up at the stage dancing around him like he was hot shit. Then I found out he goes by the name Pitbull. What in the fuck is wrong with people that they actually get their kicks off of some bald headed asshole Latino rapper? Not cool…at all. Recently Joe Mande (aka the Internet Rascal), a writer/actor/standup comedian, from the likes of Parks & Rec, The Master of None, and the upcoming The Good Place, has been re-tweeting “Mr. Worldwide’s” (he actually calls himself this) tweets. It’s quite possibly the funniest shit I've seen since Bill Burr talked about how John Lennon was pussy whipped by Yoko Ono.

Currently Pitbull has 22.3 million twitter followers. Simply, it’s astonishing. What’s next, the Scientologists are going to take over the world?

Here are some of the gems Pitbull has posted. On Monday and Tuesdays he’s all about motivation.

What a motivator! I love how he always has some ridiculous photo of himself added in. What a dude!

On Wednesdays, it’s all about wisdom.

That’s right, keep your friends close. So how about Saturdays, you ask?

Shit, someone should just give him an award...oh wait!

If you thought those tweets were any good, check out my favorite tweet. Introducing Little Mr. Worldwide!

Simply remarkable. Congrats Pitbull on being one of the top humblebragger’s kicking it in twitterverse!

And now back to our regular scheduling….

For the first time in Classic history, Kilbride will be without one of the KSSL’s founding fathers and

The founding fathers: Gone but not forgotten

team Captain Jimmy Rodden. It is truly a sad day, indeed, but the game’s must go on. You will be missed JR!

This year, KSSL legend, and arguably the league’s all-time home run leader, Morely Smith takes over the captaincy. Big shoes to fill there shoeless! The Classic’s all-time leader in championships have a tough challenge ahead of them after getting bitch slapped all over the field in the most recent Classic. Can this team regroup as they did in 2013 (when they recovered after being ousted in the ’12 Classic) or has remnants of a past life been finally consumed?

The primary issue Kilbride has going into the weekend is the lack of outfielders. Gone this year will be Jeff Murphy, Scott Howell and Ross Courtney. Question marks surround every spot except for the one sure bet of JJ Dray playing in CF. Are Kilbride going to go with Mike Brock or Moe in LF? Moe has always been the measuring stick when it comes to rovers but they may decide to go with Brock instead, a position he’s probably more comfortable with. Right field is also a question mark. This is basically due to the remaining players on the roster being filled with infielders. Out of all the infielders, perhaps the best bet to stick out into the swirling winds of RF is Keith Pope. I really don’t see any other options (maybe Bairdo?) unless they go with Moe and Brock at the corner OF spots and have one of the infielders play rover. It will be interesting to see what Moe’s strategy is.

The infield, while more secure than the outfield, also has a fairly large question mark of its own. Who is going to play SS? The options are Keith Pope (who I already mentioned as the main candidate to switch to the outfield), Billy Gorman and Scott Murphy. I’m thinking Scottie gets the first shot and Billy G protects 3^rd base. At 2^nd base Jonny Murphy will probably get the start but Bairdo will get his fair share of reps at 2^nd and 1^{st base}. Luke Stoyles will start at 1^st, with Phil Grouchy at catcher. Michael “Mental” Murphy will get the start at the mound.

One thing of note, some new blood has been added to the Kilbide roster this season, with former longtime Misfits mainstays Mike Brock and Mike Baird being “called up”.

Below is the projected depth chart and batting order for Kilbride.

Kilbride Lotto Corporation (KLC) lists Kilbride’s odds of winning the Classic at 3-1

Kilbride Will Win If...

• Moe, Brock, and Luke act like a fearsome triplets tandem.
• The RF steps up and avoids being picked on.
• They continue their “Never give up, never surrender!” mentality and activate the Omega-13.
• Have to figure out who plays SS and quickly!
• PEDS, stat!

CVD Prediction

2^nd Place. The four-time champions just squeak into the finals but the huge hole in the outfield and no real everyday shortstop stops them short in obtaining them a fifth trophy.

The reigning champs, the Mighty Mighty Valley, are coming off the biggest spanking in Classic history. After the shellacking they gave the rest of the teams, everyone got really upset and started turning on each other. Can everyone just get along or will Valley permanently put an end to the traditional style Classic tournament forever?

Taking over the Captaincy this year once again is former Captain Kevin “Koo” Condon. The last time he held this role he was jumping into the fish tank with his tighty whitey’s. Not his finest hour. Can Koo put an end to his shame or will he lead the Valley to victory? 

The outfield consists of Koo in LF (former gold glover), Robert Smith in CF (former gold glover) and Gord Payne (not a former gold glover) in rover. Way to let the outfield down there Gordo! Scott Cullen may play RF (Gord and Scotty could flip flop in this role). I’m in the dark about what Koo is thinking at this moment.

MIA: Dave Pike, Andrew Condon, Tommy Harris, Chris Murphy,
Craig Cowan (not pictured)

Now here is where things begin to get dicey for Valley. Dave Pike was already out because of prior commitments to a National tournament he’s in (way to go Pikey for being awesome!) and word just got out that Andrew John Condon is going to be MIA. This loss hurts a lot because Tommy Harris, the worlds most dedicated son, has to celebrate his mother’s birthday at approximately 1 pm, rendering him only available for the first two games. The infield’s lineup for the first two games will consist possibly of Joey Cole at 3^rd, Tommy at SS (Gold Glover!), a very hung over Steven “Skinny” Whitten (Gold Glover!), who will be coming off celebrating his 20^th year high school reunion only hours before, at 2^nd, last season’s league’s MVP Rick Smith at 1^st and Chris Jacobs behind the plate. Steve Kenny will round off the roster as the starting pitcher.

So what will Valley do when Tommy has to go? Perhaps Koo will move up to SS, with Gordo and Scotty taking the corner outfield spots and someone like Joey taking over at rover. Jacobs will have to move to one of the infield spots and a catcher may have to be thrown in from the bleachers. Or maybe Valley will only play with three outfielders. Potential interesting scenarios!

Below is the projected depth chart and batting order for Waterford Valley.

Kilbride Lotto Corporation (KLC) lists Valley’s odds of winning the Classic at 2-1

Valley Will Win If...

• They play terrific defense as in past championship years.
• Koo keeps eating hotdogs.
• Must avoid any late game blunders.
• Koo continues to eat those filthy hotdogs.
• Have to hit well when runners are in scoring position
• Koo = hotdogs
• Someone besides Rick has to be a threat with the deep ball

CVD Prediction

1st Place. Champions of the ‘16 Classic. Even with a couple of the league’s best players missing from their roster, Valley still has the best defensive and deepest roster in the tourney. This year they should come one step closer into cutting into Kilbride’s lead for most Classic championships. Happy days are certainly ahead!

MVP

Kevin Condon. After being forced into playing SS, in the second half of the day, after the top 3 in the depth chart went MIA, Koo will step up and show everybody who is boss by making countless stabs, leading the Valley to their second consecutive Classic.

In Closing…

No matter what happens on Saturday it should be a fun filled day with beers, food, games, family and friends, and hopefully very little rain. Thing is, at the end of the day Valley will be showing how they really wear their cleats.