In the Mind of Cletus: 2011 KSSL - Week 9

Cletus Van Damme (cletus_van_damme@hotmail.com)

TUESDAY MORNING CATCHER ON A WEDNESDAY

- Sunday June 26th, 2011 -

HUCK FIELD, St. John’s, NL

It was a moment that has been over two years in the making. Through backroom dealings and underground bribes, involving syndicate mouthpieces (and who the fuck knows the rest), a living legend finally made his KSSL debut (begrudgingly, check out the 2009 exclusive interview HERE). Yeah, that’s right; Bas Whelan finally strapped on his cleats and trotted out to the Huck, to a glorious standing ovation, on this magical evening full of celestial bliss. Chilling...

4:00 p.m NT

Dave Pike snaps out of season long slump, leads Lester’s past Irving

After blowing an early nine run lead, Lester’s Farm escaped with the victory, thanks to a huge game from Dave Pike and a couple of late home runs from Moe Smith and Mike Brock.

In the 1^st inning, Lester’s jumped out fast, putting up a five-spotter behind a three-run homer from Brock. A couple of late inning shady defensive miscues cost Irving two more runs. Then in the 2^nd, Lester’s managed to put in four more runs thanks in part, once again, to a couple more costly errors by Irving. Scott Murphy and Brock had the RBI’s.

Looking down and out, Irving finally woke up from their long lasting sleep (or in the case of Rob Smith, a hangover) in the 4th inning by putting up their own five-spotter. Rick Smith, who has looked anything but the league’s reigning MVP this year, smashed a two-run bomb, giving the team their first runs of the evening. Later in the inning Jonny Murphy would add two more runs off a single and Steve Kenny would put in the final run.

Heading into the 5^th and with the score 10-5, Irving would make a game of it. Chris Whelan and Rob Smith would lead the inning off with back-to-back doubles. After Aoo Condon drew a walk, Scott Murphy (or so the book says E3) would make an error on a Rick Smith ball, which would give Irving two more runs. Mike Baird would follow with an RBI single, making it a 10-9 game.

Flash it to the 7^th inning and Irving would finally erase the nine run deficit they faced. In a shocking turn of events, more errors were the cost of the tying run! After a leadoff double by Jeff Murphy, Dave Pike would make his only blunder of the day on another error off the bat of Rick Smith. But the downfall for Lester’s wouldn’t last for long, when Moe and Brock hit back-to-back solo jacks for a 13-11 lead. Continuing a season-long trend; the bats from Irving would take a multiple inning nap. They would go down quickly in the 8^th and 9^th innings, losing by a final score of 14-11.

- POGs -

Dave Pike (4-4, 3 R, 2B, RBI)

Aoo Condon (2-4, 2 R, BB)

- NOTABLES-

Mike Brock (2-4, 2 R, 2 HR, 5 RBI) Scott Murphy (3-5, R, 2B, 2 RBI) Moe Smith (2-5, 2 R, HR, 2 RBI)

Rob Smith (3-4, R, 2B, RBI) Mike Baird (2-4, R, RBI) Rick Smith (1-4, 2 R, HR, 2 RBI)

5:30 p.m NT

8 6

Living legend Bas Whelan makes his KSSL debut, helps Roofers to third straight W

There is always talk about certain epic events of our lives. People love to talk about what happened during a historic game, “do you remember that play?” or they’ll talk about the situation that led to it, or my favorite “oh my god you were there...live!?”. Using baseball as a reference the biggest one you hear is, where were you when ‘The Shot was Heard 'Round The World’? Well folks, on Sunday we witnessed something none of us thought could ever be possible, a minor miracle in its own right. The Shamrock legend, the fast pitch softball legend, hell even the post office legend, Bas “Big Barrel” Whelan walked up to the field ready to play some slow pitch softball!

With a delicious aroma that Bas kept feeding us, there was a little somethin’ extra on the field. There was a buzz unlike anything we’ve ever witnessed before, small children through telepathic force, or some supernatural event, were slowly drawn to the field (mesmerized); women’s faces were seen clutched to the windows of the surrounding houses (perplexed) to find out what was going on. Men were out watering their lawns but were they? Bas had drawn them out like Roland of Gilead.

After a couple of warm up tosses we were finally ready for some ball. In the 1st inning, the Roofers came out on fire, scoring three runs off of RBI’s from Koo Condon and Mental Murphy. Pike’s Store would bounce right back scoring two runs with RBI’s off of hits from Billy Gorman and Jason Whalen.

In the 3rd inning, trailing 4-2, Pike’s would take the lead by scoring three runs on a RBI single from Whalen and RBI’s off of bases loaded walks from Sharky Whelan and Eddy Power.

In the 4th, the Roofers came right back with the man of the hour, Bas Whelan, scoring the tying run. Ross Courtney would drive in two runs off a double and Koo would add another run for a 7-5 lead. Suddenly a small group of people showed up to the field expecting to play a game. Did they really book the field after us like they claimed? Because of this, the normal nine inning game was downgraded to seven innings. As a conspiracy theorist it’s in my belief that this “game” was really an excuse to see Big Barrel Bas. Once again Bas had drawn folks to the field.

Unfortunately for Pike’s the shortened game was of no use to them. They quietly went down in the later innings losing by a score of 8-6, losing for the third straight game and falling to a league’s worst 2-7.

- POGs -

Koo Condon (4-4, R, 2B, 2 RBI)

Billy Gorman (4-4, R, 2 RBI)

- NOTABLES -

Ross Courtney (2-3, 3 R, 2B, BB, 2 RBI) Brad Williams (2-3) Ched Whelan (2-4, R)

Jason Whalen (3-4, R, 2 RBI) Freddy Cox (2-3) Jimmy Rodden (2-4)

- NEXT WEEK'S ACTION (PRO-LINE: KSSL EDITION) -

4:00 p.m @ V 2.40 T 3.05 H 2.10

5:30 p.m @ V 2.60 T 3.15 H 2.00

Get your bets in!

The New Legend of Big Barrel Bas?

After the days slate of games, a handful of bodies went back for a post-game gathering at Myrick Place to shoot the shit, drink some cold beers, eat a couple of burnt dogs, and to a have a few games of washers. What nobody expected (but should have been expected) was that the living legend himself would dominate everyone in a game of washers.

In a post-game interview, over blue tooth, Bas told me, while laughing, “ I never would have showed up if it was raining”. Lucky for us it didn’t. It was his in-laws 60^th anniversary weekend, so family members from all over came to celebrate it. One member of the family was dying for a game and would only come up if Bas played too. So by the grace of god, everything aligned perfectly to allow this part of history to go down.

After a few cold ones Bas stepped up to the washer boxes and blew everyone away, with throw after throw going into the small box as if it was a Peter Cornick catcher’s mitt. Even washer superstar Adam Smith couldn’t defeat the Big Barrel. All Fake Name would say was, The Natural. At the end of the night Karyn Murphy and Karen Power challenged Bas and team member/family member Doug to a game. Well I’d be lying if I was telling you I wasn’t impressed. Steve Kenny was overheard telling Bas to “take no mercy” on them. Eight throws later, with all washers going in, Bas and Doug skunked the girls 11-0! Bas is a man who doesn’t believe in women & children first. Gotta love that!

- PROPAGANDA –

What is Cletus watching on TV?

Currently I’m on a marathon of Season 6 of Supernatural. I’m also in the midst of the latest seasons of Breaking Bad, Curb Your Enthusiasm and Weeds. Entourage just started again but there wasn’t enough young natural titties. L

Sick High School Dunker

Shaquille Johnson is only in high school, you'll be seeing him at Auburn in 2012, and is listed at 6'4. He can jump so his eyes are at eye level to the rim. It's pretty sick! Oh yeah, and in the second video below he jumps over 6'8 James McAdoo, who's going to North Carolina and will be a top five pick in next years draft (and he'll be helping Carolina win the championship next year!). Not none of that bullshit lame ass jump over a two and half foot front end of a car dunk that won the dunk title for Blake Griffin. Check it out...

- CVD vs WORLD NEWS -

Big news in the world recently. Actor Dough Hutchison who is best known for playing Horace Goodspeed, the leader of the Dharma Initiative, in Lost and the evil prison guard in The Green Mile just got married. Congrats Doug! Big time fan of your work. Great character actor. I even enjoyed him in 24, Kidnapped and The X-Files. Just great stuff. Why am I writing this for a small time character actor who many of you probably never even knew existed? Well, the problem is Doug is 51 years old and his new bride, well .. she's 16! Courtney Alexis Stodden is a 16 year old aspiring pop/country singer. She has big tits, which obviously look fake, and it looks like she's pushing 30. She promises she is 100% real, "My breasts are real. Everything about me is real. My hair is real. My teeth are real. My eyelashes are real. My breasts are totally real, believe it or not, they are." It's quite hilarious. What a creepy wedding photo above.

According to Courtney's mom, Kristen Stodden, "Courtney was a virgin when she married Doug. She is a good Christian girl." So our good ole pal Doug took her virginity on their wedding day? Just typing this makes me laugh. With parental consent these two lovebirds were allowed to get married in the state of Nevada. Courtney's mom says, "We are totally supportive of this marriage. Doug is a wonderful man, and we love him." Doug's new father-in-law is four years Doug's junior. Alex Stodden says, "Every father can only pray to have such a man behind their daughter". What is the saying, Only In America?

Barely legal teens are totally awesome, but "not quite" legal teens? AVOID and PASS... I'll wait 'til these whores turn 18.

So Doug now joins the ranks of Morgan Freeman, R Kelly, Jerry Lee Lewis, and everybody's favorite Woody Allen, in the like's of super creepy dudes. Again, we salute you!

Now I leave you with the smear campaign message that Mac sent out about Dennis in It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia's classic episode 'The Gangs Runs For Office':

"When Dennis Reynolds was a counselor at Camp Cumberland, he was sent home for the statutory rape of a teenage camper. A vote for Dennis Reynolds is a vote for underage rape. Dennis Reynolds, BABY RAPIST. Don't let him rape you, Philadelphia."

Check the two lovebirds out on Good Morning America

Here's Courtney singing Car Candy! Oh, it's available on iTunes!

Another one from Courney, this time she is singing Don't Put It On Me! Also, available on iTunes!

That's some hot tracks!

- CVD's MUSIC OF THE WEEK –

Fantômas are an avant-garde metal supergroup comprised of vocalist/keys/sampling/bandleader Mike Patton (Faith No More/Mr. Bungle/Tomahawk/many others), guitarist Buzz Osbourne aka King Buzzo (The Melvins), bassist Trevor Dunn (Mr. Bungle) and drummer Dave Lombardo (Slayer). They’re totally crazy and really, really awesome! The Directors Cut, an album with reinterpretations of motion picture theme songs is one of the best albums this century. No doubt!