2011 KSSL - Week 5 - Post-Mortem

Cletus Van Damme (cletus_van_damme@hotmail.com)

TUESDAY MORNING CATCHER ON A WEDNESDAY

- Sunday June 26th, 2011 -

HUCK FIELD, St. John’s, NL

After last weekend’s fiasco, we were treated to a quiet day without the jibber, jabber, and yapping from Japper (who was court ordered to stay away from the Huck until Canada Day), and thanks to this a couple of solid games were played.

4:00 p.m NT

10 8

		1	2	3	4	5	6	7	8	9	R
LF	(4-1)	1	0	5	1	0	0	1	0	2	10	Final
PS	(1-4)	3	0	0	1	0	2	0	0	2	8

Moe Smith's 5 RBI's leads Lester's Farm to 4th straight victory 

After struggling for the first month of the season, the Home Run King, Morely Smith finally unleashed his vicious swing, hitting his first HR of the season and leading Lester’s to a 10-8 win over Pike’s Store.

In the 1^st inning, Adam “Fake Name” Smith did what he’s been doing all season long, knocking in runs with utter ease (what an asshole), by hitting his 3^rd dinger of the season, a two-run shot, giving Pike’s an early lead at 3-1, while adding to his KSSL lead in RBI’s at 15.

The lead would be short lived though, when Moe hit an inning ending grand slam for a five spotter in the 3^rd. The team would trade runs in the 4^th off of RBI’s from Jimmy Fitz and Scott Howell. In the bottom of 6^th, Pike’s would make it a game when Gord Bring the Payne brought the fucking Payne, providing an RBI single. Billy Gorman would add an RBI later in the inning making it 7-6 for Lester’s.

An unearned run in the 8^th would give Lester’s an 8-6 lead, heading into the 9^th. After Moe led the inning off with a single, Dexter Spurrell would hit a big time triple, adding to his teams lead and immediately following Scott Murphy would drive him in with a sac-fly.

Down 10-6, Pike’s would have to attempt to do what Lester’s has been doing for weeks, and that’s winning from behind. With one out, Gorman and Howell would hit back-to-back singles giving a glimmer of hope. After Chris Murph’s line out Freddy Cox, who was hitting a dismal 0.105, would help his average but more importantly his team by singling and driving in a run. Jason Whelan would quickly do the same by knocking in another run making the score 10-8, with runners on the corners. But the comeback would fall short when Robin “Replica” Courtney popped out to Tommy “Super Star” Harris, who somehow got the POG over Moe (huh?).

- POGS -


Tommy Harris (2-4, 2 R, 2B, RBI)

Adam Smith (3-4, 2 R, HR, 2 RBI)

- NOTABLES -


Moe Smith (3-4, 2 R, HR, 5 RBI) Dave Pike (2-4, R) Derek Fleming (2-3, R, RBI, 0 K’s)

Gord Payne (2-4, 2R, 2 RBI) Billy Gorman (2-4, R, RBI) Jimmy Rodden (2-4, 2 2B)

5:30 p.m NT

14 9

		1	2	3	4	5	6	7	8	9	R
SI	(3-2)	0	0	0	1	2	4	2	0	5	14	Final
RR	(2-3)	4	0	3	0	1	0	0	1	0	9

Nine years in the making, KSSL's first ever triple play not enough for Ron's Roofing, lose to Stanley's Irving 

 After finding themselves in a 7-0 hole, Stanley’s Irving stormed back to upend the defending champion Ron’s Roofing 14-9, behind some huge hitting from the top of their order, Robert Smith and Aoo Condon.

Heading into the game the Roofers seemed to be playing with a minor league squad. Missing in action was last year’s #2 hitter in average Luke Stoyles, pitching ace Mental Murphy, two weeks played, two POG’s Blair Connolly and speedster Ross Courtney. Even with a depleted lineup the Roofers came out like a bat outta hell scoring 4 runs in the 1^st inning, with Skinny Whitten, Blair Marshall, and Robbie "Bumpers" Leaman (ending his 0-11 drought to start his KSSL career) providing the RBI’s.

Dreadful, and I mean absolutely mind boggling dreadful, base running did Irving in the first two innings. After leading the game off with a hit, Robert Smith was thrown out at the plate after his big bro Rick hit a double. Then in the 2^nd inning, the thing that we’ll be reciting to our grandchildren in thirty years time occured, something that has been a long time in the making (divine intervention!), and a KSSL first ... a triple play! With runners on 1^st and 2^nd, last week’s hero Jason “Reggie” Hedges hit a liner into the shallow right field gap. Easy hit you’d say, right? If not for former Gold Glover Koo Condon, who immediately ran at the ball like he had a girthy ebony cock balls deep up his ass (I’d say he wanted OUT and FAST), sliding to the ball and nabbing it before it could hit the grass. Greg Buckingham was running with the desire of scoring, was nearly rounding 3^rd when he looked back with a serious case of buyers remorse, horrified to find out what just happened. So it's looking like an easy double play, right? How about three! Jeff Murphy, who started the play on 1^st, stood dumbfounded a foot from second base. A quick toss to Skinny and a TP 8-6-6 (however in the world you’d score it). Play of the year? Most definitely. Play of the decade? Of course! Good job Roofers!

By the time the 4^th inning rolled around, Irving found themselves down 7-0. They were finally able to break through with a run in the 4^th and they’d put up two more in the 5^th, making it a 7-3 game. Down 8-3 in the 6th their bats really came alive when the first five batters got on base. Steve Brown and Greg Buck hit back-to-back RBI doubles, and Mike Baird and Jonny Murph added a couple of sac-flys later in the inning. They would take their first lead of the game in the 7th when Aoo Dogg drove in two runs off a single.

The Roofers would tie the game in the bottom of the 8th when Skinny, who had three hits on the day, knocked in whoever was pinch running for an injured Ryan Foley. Blart, who continued with his early season struggles, would strand runners on 2nd and 3rd, ending the inning, and the game would be deadlocked at 9-9 heading into the 9th.

After running out of beers late in the game, Brownie appeared out of nowhere to save the day, providing his team with some luscious bottled beer. Tasting that sweet nectar off of glass must have ignited a little fire for Irving because they would beat the shit out of the ball in the inning, scoring five runs. Jeff Murphy would provide a major dagger, hitting a three-run jack over the right center wall. The Roofers would go down quietly in the bottom half and Irving would come out victorous with a big come from behind victory.

- POGS -


Robert Smith (5-5, 3 R, 2 2B)

Robbie Leaman (4-5, 2 R, 2 2B, 3 RBI)

- NOTABLES -

  Aoo (3-5, R, 2 2B, 3 RBI) Jeff Murphy (3-4, 3 R, HR, BB, 3 RBI) Greg Buck (3-5, 2 R, 2B, RBI)

Ched Whelan (4-5, R) Skinny Whitten (3-5, 2 R, 2B, 2 RBI) Danny Mercer (3-5)

- NEXT WEEK'S ACTION (PRO-LINE: KSSL EDITION) -

4:00 p.m @ V 2.70 T 3.15 H 2.10

5:30 p.m @ V 2.50 T 3.05 H 2.20

Get your bets in!

- MAILBAG -  
(Send your questions/comments to cletus_van_damme@hotmail.com)

After a one week layoff we're back, thanks to some feedback that has been lacking. This week one of KSSL's own asks a question, along with a former member.

New Blood


Cletus,

Love the column, sir. Every paragraph paints a picture so vivid, I feel like I am sitting on the third base line with the bleacher creatures on a foggy afternoon. I was wondering how you feel about the fresh blood in the KSSL? Steve Brown and Blair Connolly have really made a splash, and Jimmy Fitz' first official season has already shown signs of promise. I can't help but think this is great for the league going forward. Thoughts?

ps - a little correction - You recently referred to Aoo Condon as the reigning gold glove winner on the infield (week 3 Post-Mortem). However, The Fabulous Murphy Brothers (Jonny and The Bones) took down the infield and outfield awards, respectively, last year. Thought you should know!!

Keep it up, Cletus!!!

   -- Adam 'Fakename' Smith

Yeah, it was looking like the league was going to take a bit of a hit in quality when guys like Mark Whalen, Jason Thompson and Kirk Stoyles retired but, as you mentioned, Brownie and Connolly have made big splashes so far for their teams. Brownie has been a pillar of hope for Irving, ringing off hit after hit, while Connolly has shown why Holy Cross is the best thing since sliced bread, hitting mad jacks and catching everything in sight. Even Jimmy Fitz has been doing his part, being a major contributer for the 1st place Lester's Farm. Another guy to keep an eye out for is Bumpers Leaman. After a shaky start to the season, and a good bit of bad luck, he was a terror in his last game, playing outstanding D on 3rd base and banging out four hits. The 1986 Moss Tournment doesn't seem so long ago anymore.

Thanks for the correction. My apologies to Jonny Murphy. There's an editors note attached to the week 3 post-mortem.

The End of the Home Run King?

Dear Cletus,

First, I would like to thank you for your hard work and dedication to KSSL web site, along with the weekly write-ups. You are doing a great job.It keeps a lot of people updated with some old pals and old faces.

I have been viewing the stats and noticed that a KSSL legend has yet to hit a home run. So, I was wondering if you have the time next week to take a few minutes and interview Morley “Shoeless" Smith, and ask him about his recent drought? Is he playing with an injury? Maybe he needs a eye exam?

Can his fans expect his power to return anytime soon?

Thanks

-- Robert Rodden

I spoke to him very briefly Sunday. He was a busy guy, coaching 3rd base. I asked him what was up? Is he playing injured? His fans are severely depressed because of his recent lack of power. Morley, a man of many words, answered with, check it, one word ... AGE. The waistline is expanding, the bat speed is getting a little (or is it?) slower. Could we be in store for a Willy Mays Drops a Ball In the World Series!, type of decline? Moe did hit his first homer of the season but we should be on the lookout for an end to an era.

- PROPAGANDA -

What is Cletus watching on TV?

There's a sadness within me right now. My thought process is incoherent. I'm extremely hungry but I can't decide what to eat because I can't concentrate. It should be, chicken or pizza? Lasagna? But no, my mind keeps going back to one thing and it's not Topsail Road Pizzeria either, it's Terriers - this totally awesome show I just finished watching, but sadly will never air another episode again.

Terriers aired on FX in the fall of 2010. It was created by Ted Griffin (the guy who wrote Ocean's Eleven), executed produced by Shawn Ryan (the creator of the AWESOME The Shield) and Tim Minear (Angel/Firefly/Wonderfalls). What a set of guys to run a show, seriously. It stars one of those under the radar guys, who is great in everything he does, Donal Logue, who plays Hank Dolworth, an ex-cop turned small time, down on his luck unlicensed PI. He partner's up with his buddie ex-thief Britt Pollack, played by Michael Raymond-James (formerly of True Blood). 

This is probably the best show to come along in the past couple of years. It would never work without the amazing chemistry between it's two leads. Logue and Raymond-James have that good ole buddie bickering that's funny but not over the top, Let's Try Too Fucking Hard To Be Funny. It's the subtleness that works. In the shows opening scene Hank and Britt are chilling in their company "Gomez Bros Pool Service" truck, just shooting the shit when Hank says a tune popped into his head earlier and he needs help in remembering the name. Britt starts begging, knowing what's to come, and Hank goes on humming it to the begging/laughing Britt. Sounds boring, maybe even lame but it's just so fucking authentic, like any two good buddies you'd meet anywhere talking about random shit. They even bring back the humming of the song later in the episode, where both guys crack up again.

The show is essentially a buddy comedy with a hard-boiled noir setting in a beachtown in San Diego. I guess something you could compare it to is Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, well kinda anyways. But yeah, basically this show was made for me, with my love for crime fiction and the SoCal beach setting (thanks Don Winslow!). Terriers even brought out some top notch directors, with the likes of Craig Brewer (Hustle & Flow), Clark Johnson (who directed the pilot and series finales of The Shield and The Wire), Rian Johnson (Brick) and actor/director Adam Arkin (Sons of Anarchy).

Some TV shows may take a couple of episodes to find their groove but Terriers from scene one was on fire! The pilot sets up a season long arc but throughout the season we're given stand alone mission episodes of the week, sprinkled in with the arc. The show wasn't all about good times and laughing either. You start finding out how messed up these guys are, their backgrounds, how they met. Logue, who is known more for his comedic roles really stepped up to the plate in the drama section. I remember when I first heard about Breaking Bad and discovered that Bryan Cranston was playing Walter White, high school chemistry teacher/terminal cancer patient, turned meth dealer. Shit, I thought this role sounds perfect for Cranston. He was the funny dad in Malcolm in the Middle and this is a meaty role for the guy and he's gonna blow us away! A few Emmy nods and various award winning performances later and I'd say I was right. Well this role should have been that for Logue but unfortunately for some crazy reason Terriers was watched by so few. I guess it's like Arrested Development, a show you really can't sell to an audience, a show that no single line or trailer can show what it's about.

I'd recommend this show to everyone. Even though it got cancelled after one season (13 episodes) there's a beginning, middle and end, like a great novel. The season is wrapped up pretty perfectly and somehow the final scene feels like a series finale (even though it wasn't meant to be). I honestly believe in 10 years time people will be talking about this little gem as a one and done, gone before it should have like Freaks and Geeks is. Check this shit out and thank me later. Here's a trailer for the show...

- CVD's MUSIC OF THE WEEK -

Minus the Bear, a great experimental rock band from Seattle featuring former members of Botch, Kill Sadie and Sharks Keep Moving. Check this shit out...!

- CVD's BOOK OF THE WEEK -

Flicker by Theodore Roszak

This novel is billed as a book for film lovers. I would pretty much agree. Written by a guy who was more known for writing non-fiction novels, Theodore Roszak wrote a doozy of novel. It’s a really interesting and fun read, a magnum-opus, that start’s off as a pretty straight forward story set in the 60's and 70's, about Jonathan Gates, a guy with a love affair for cinema and film. It shows how he began loving film and going to the cinema, moving up in the ranks at his profession, and his love life, before spiraling into a Da Vinci Code-esque (long before the Da Vinci Code, though) conspiracy about his obsession for a German B-movie filmmaker, who made hidden movies within the film reels. Lots of crazy shit ensues and it’s good times to the end. Darren Aronofsky (Requiem For a Dream/Black Swan/The Wrestler) was attached to direct this years ago before the project fell apart. Hopefully we see it on film one day.

From Publisher Weekly

This latest effort by the author of the seminal The Making of the Counterculture is a quirky, sexy, sprawling novel that comprises, among other things, a magical mystery tour of the history of cinema, an acid satire on Hollywood and what passes for today's cultural avant-garde, a metaphysical puzzle, an exploration of the psychological impact of films and a parable about the modern spiritual wasteland. UCLA film scholar and critic Jonathan Gates becomes obsessed with legendary German expressionist filmmaker Max Castle, who went to Hollywood in the mid-1920s and whose vampire and ghoul B-movies are viewed by cult fans as deeply troubling evocations of evil. On the trail of Castle's dark past, Gates and his ex-girlfriend, tough-minded film critic Clare Swann, encounter medieval gnostic heresies, secret societies, a teenage genius albino movie producer and an aged Dutch ex-vamp who practices tantric-like sex. Crammed with film lore that will regale cinema buffs, the narrative segues from its realistic beginning into a bizarre, apocalyptic fantasy that eventually spins off the reel, illuminating in the end only a very private, muddled vision.
Copyright 1991 Reed Business Information, Inc.

- CVD's BABE OF THE WEEK -

Alison Brie, who some of you may know as Trudy, Pete Campbell's wife, in Mad Men, also stars in the best comedy you're probably not watching Community, as the young naive and ex-pill popping Annie Edison. I love her so much, she looks so lovely and check out those boobies! No she doesn't fuck on screen but not every whore has to really be a whore!

Check her out licking and sucking some strawberries and icecream in a skimpy outfit. Boobies! As Detta Walker in The Drawing of Three would say, I wouldn't mind her sucking on my "white candle".

- CODA -

It's Aoo Dogg's stag and Dort's diaper party on Saturday, so we may be in for a shit show Sunday afternoon! Until then, signing off...

2011 KSSL - Week 4 - Post-Mortem

Cletus Van Damme (cletus_van_damme@hotmail.com)

TUESDAY MORNING CATCHER

- Sunday June 19th, 2011 -

HUCK FIELD, St. John’s, NL

Another pitiful day at the Huck nearly ruined another day of ball, but thanks to KSSL beer bottle/can thief Japper, anyone who stuck around for the late game (the whole three of you) were treated to a little KSSL magic ...

4:00 p.m NT

12 11

		1	2	3	4	5	6	7	8	9	R
RR	(2-2)	3	0	3	0	3	0	1	0	1	11	Final
LF	(3-1)	0	4	0	0	4	0	0	1	3	12

Jimmy Fitz’s RBI single in 9th wins it for Lester’s

In one of the better played games of the season, Lester’s Farm defeated Ron’s Roofing 12-11, thanks to a big game from Jimmy “Kool-Aid” Fitz (who earned POG honors), who knocked in the winning run with two outs in the bottom of the 9th inning.

In the top of the 1st, the Roofers jumped out of the gate fast by scoring three runs off of two out hits from the likes of Ched Whelan, Mental Murphy and Blair Connolly. Lester’s responded in the bottom of the 2nd by scoring four runs of their own, off RBI’s from Scott Murphy, the Kool-Aid Kid, Chris Ryan Jr. and JJ Dray, for a 4-3 lead.

In the 3rd, the Roofers first three batters pounded off hits, loading up the bases for Mental who would come through with a hard single, knocking in two runs. Ryan Foley added a sac-fly, giving the Roofers the lead at 6-4

After Connolly blasted a three-run jack, in the 5th inning, the game seemed to be lost for Lester’s, but low and behold they would not quit. After Dave Pike led the inning off with a hit, and with three balls on JJ, Mental Murphy, in total frustration, deliberately threw ball four because Lester’s wouldn’t take the bat off their shoulders. It would be Dray’s second walk of the day (he was a perfect 3-3, with two walks) and would help set up a Tommy “Super Star” Harris three-run bomb. Dexter Spurrell would add an RBI later in the inning, making it a 9-8 game.

The teams would then trade runs in the 6th through 8th innings, with the score 10-9 for the Roofers heading into the 9th. After a Ched Whelan sac-fly put the Roofers up 11-9, it was time for Lester's to put the game away. JJ, doing his best Derek Jeter impersonation, started the rally off with a hit; then after the "Super Star" singled, Koo Condon, who moved from his usual CF to SS because of Skinny Whitten's sit down with the puppet President Obama, and who played a brilliant game at short (minus a jock!), made a boo boo at the most crucial juncture of the game, allowing a run to score but more importantly giving Lester's an extra out to play with. Mike Brock would fellow up by singling in the tying run. After Dexter Spurrell singled, loading up the bases, the stage was set for Scott Murphy to be the hero but Koo would rebound after his earlier blunder by attacking a grounder, throwing Moe Smith out at home. So here we are with Jimmy Fitz, certainly not the Sundance Kid but close enough, hero or goat? Of course Jimmy would come through with his third and most important hit of the game, leading Lester's past the Roofers and into first place.

Game Notes: In the 4th inning Chris Ryan Jr. took over CF duties from the "aging" JJ Dray. It looked something similar to Ken Griffey Jr. taking over for Ken Griffey Sr.. We may have a new CF in place for weeks to come if Junior’s play stays like this.

- POGs -

Jimmy Fitz (3-5, R, 2 RBI)

Blair Connolly (2-3, R, 2B, HR, 5 RBI)

- NOTABLES -

JJ Dray (3-3, 2 R, 2 BB, RBI) Tommy Harris (2-5, 2 R, HR, 3 RBI) Dexter Spurrell (2-4, R, BB, RBI)

Ched Whelan (4-4, 4 R, 2 RBI) Mental Murphy (3-5, R, 2 2B, 3 RBI) Ryan Foley (2-3, RBI)

5:30 p.m NT

20 8

		1	2	3	4	5	6	7	8	9	R
PS	(2-2)	3	0	1	0	0	0	2	2	0	8	Final
SI	(3-1)	3	4	5	5	0	3	0	0	-	20

Jason "Reggie" Hedges has a game for the ages, leads Irving to blowout victory

After a two week golfing expedition, KSSL's version of Johnny Bench, Jason Hedges returned to action triumphantly. Recently coined with the name "Reggie", thanks to Bas Whelan, Hedges would lead the way for Stanley's Irving, with four hits, scoring five runs and adding an RBI. But it wasn't the hitting and amazing (and I mean amazing!) base running from this young slugger, that amazed everybody on the day, it was the outstanding defense he put on display.

After Pike's scored three runs in the 1st inning thanks to a bases clearing "double" by Adam Smith, Irving completely bombarded Pike's with run after run after run ... They would score three runs in the 1st, four in the 2nd, and put up five spots in the 3rd and 4th. so the score would be 17-4 after 4. Game over.

This was a game with a few nice storylines. Smith after declaring "selfish solo home run!", after a Robert Smith solo jack, would in the next inning hit one of his own. He looked like a dumbass but hands were slapped, laughs were all around, it was good times for all. Later on, in dismal and rather pathetic showing, Robin Courtney put on a dress and refused to swing with bases loaded, with Gord Payne sitting behind him on deck. Courtney would look at all seven pitches before finally striking out looking, ending the only possible rally the team had on the afternoon. But Courtney wouldn't be the only playing to go down looking. Smith, who had two HR's and 6 RBI's on the day, would take strike three in the 8th inning, walking away immediately before Blair Marshall, who made his KSSL umpiring debut, even called the pitch. Steve Kenny would then go down looking later in the 8th. That has to be a KSSL record for backwards K's

The biggest headline of the day would have to be when good ole Japper showed up to collect his bottles in the latter half of the game. The man who was referred to as a "dirtbag" and "scumbag" couldn't wait to get his fingers dirty, when he entered Pike's Store bench during the 7th inning stretch. This is a big no no for all the folks in the league. Japper can collect his bottles but he has to wait until the games are over, it's written in the constitution. Flash it back to last season and the Jonny Murphy Incident, where Japper got all up into Jonny's grill; beer bottles were smashed, pushing and shoving was involved. Well Japper really has it out for the Murphy Bros. On this day Jeff Murphy was the brunt of a vicious and hideous act. After Jeff, in the nicest way possible, asked Japper to leave the premises, Japper bopped, yeah that's right bopped!, a beer bottle, striking Murph Bonez in the back. Never hit a man from behind but that's what our Japper did. Murph Bonez was somewhat traumatized over the events, accusing, "he assaulted me!". And assault he did. As of this writing, the RNC are looking into the crime and seeing how there were at least 20 witnesses, Japper may be doing serious time. The days where Japper sings O' Canada or throwing out the opening day's first pitch, may have come to a tragic end.

But even with these big storylines the day belonged to Reggie, who must had set a record for most outfield assists (there had to be four or five of those suckers). Baze Vallin was none to pleased with his fielder's choice declaring it a hit anyways, and I'm sure the other four guys weren't too impressed, as well.

Game Notes: Gord Payne may be human just after all. He would only go 2-5 on the day.

- POGs -

Jason Hedges (4-6, 5 R, RBI)

Adam Smith (3-5, 2 R, "2B", 2 HR, "6" RBI)

- NOTABLES -

Greg Buckingham (5-6, 3 R, HR, 5 RBI) Robert Smith (4-6, 4 R, HR, RBI) Steve Brown (4-6, 4 R, 2B, 2 RBI) Jeff Murphy ("2"-5, "6" RBI)

Jimmy Rodden (2-4, 2 R, 2 BB) Gord Payne (2-5, 2 R) Chris Murphy (3-5, 2 2B)

- NEXT WEEK'S ACTION (PRO-LINE: KSSL EDITION) -

4:00 p.m @ V 2.20 T 3.35 H 2.50

5:30 p.m @ V 2.30 T 3.35 H 2.40

- MAILBAG -

Hey lazy fuckers, send your questions/comments to cletus_van_damme@hotmail.com. This mock thing is getting hard to do, if you can read you can certainly type. The Condons are not the only people who can do this. So the mailbag is out or this week because it's getting annoying having to make shit up every week.

- EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW -

Earlier this morning, after his Uncle Marty posted bail for him, I contacted Japper immediately trying to snag a first time and exclusive interview with him. Reluctant at first, playing a tactical and outmost difficult hard bargain, I was able to bribe this peculiar little fellow with eight dozen bottles of Milwaukee’s Best, four upfront, four to be paid later.

CVD: Hey Japper, how’s everything going?

Japper: GOING!? THOSE MURPHY’S ARE CRAZY!!! THEY SHOULD KNOW!!! KNOOOOOW!

CVD: Know what Japper?

Japper: THEY’RE FRIGGIN’ CRAZY!

CVD: But Japper are you not the one who broke the constitution of collecting bottles/cans that were still in play during the game? Didn’t you strike Jeff Murph with a beer bottle from behind? Didn’t you steal Blair Marshall’s beer that had a beer holder on it?

Japper: FRIG THE CONSTITUTION AND FRIG THOSE CLUELESS MORONS!!! I’M JUST DOING MY JOB!

CVD: Hey now Japper, just settle down, this screaming must come to an end.

Japper: YOU THINK THIS IS SCREAMING?! I’LL SHOW YOU SCREAMING, BUDDY! HHHAAAZSTHAAAAAASSSTYYYYHAAAA ... (Japper goes into some crazy loud pitched alien noise laugh)

CVD: Okay, Japper back to the point ... you struck a man with a beer bottle, stole from another, called them crazy, that they “should know better”, and for what? Cans you would have gotten without any complications if you waited only 45 minutes.

Japper: ........... ........... .......... (Japper is thinking very profoundly) IT’S HARD TIMES BY! EVERYBODY GIVIN’ ME A HARD FRIGGIN’ TIME! I GOT A JOB TO DO! I’LL LEAVE YA WITH THIS CLETUS, SOMETHIN' MY DADDY ONCE TOLD ME, “IF THERE’S ONE THING I KNOW IN THIS LIFE, WE ARE BEGGARS ALL!”.

Who knew Japper had a philosophical side to him?

- PROPAGANDA -

What is Cletus watching on TV?

From the network that has giving us the acclaimed drama's Mad Men, Breaking Bad and The Walking Dead, AMC's new show The Killing, based on the Danish show Forbrydelsen, is about a very hot 17 year old girl (I’d tap that shit) who is found dead in the trunk of a car, found in a river, that is owned by the campaign of a city councilmen who is running for mayor. Each episode spans one day in the case of solving ‘Who killed Rosie Larsen?’. Set in the the beautiful Pacific Northwest of Seattle (but filmed in Vancouver), The Killing is shown through three perspectives: the grieving family, the councilman’s campaign, and the detectives working her case. Just awesome stuff, the show is well acted and shot amazingly. It has this really awesome ambiance tone to the show that I just love! AMC has already renewed it for a second season so it’s definitely worth a watch - although next season could be an entirely different show with a new cast, but I say the two main detectives will be back for sure. You can blame this show for me posting the TMC on a Wednesday. Here's a trailer for the show.

- CVD's BOOK OF THE WEEK -

The Devil in the White City: Murder, Magic, and Madness at the Fair that Changed America
by Erik Larson

This novel is beyond amazing. It's a true story of two men, with vastly different agenda's. One man is here to create a world we can escape to and imagine great joy, while the other guy ... well he likes to murder hot women in a totaly inhumane fashion. Leonardo DiCaprio recently bought the rights to the novel so we may be seeing this on screen someday. Leo will play H.H. Holmes, the killer, who is considered to be North America's first serial killer (although, technically, there were other before him).

From Publishers Weekly

Not long after Jack the Ripper haunted the ill-lit streets of 1888 London, H.H. Holmes (born Herman Webster Mudgett) dispatched somewhere between 27 and 200 people, mostly single young women, in the churning new metropolis of Chicago; many of the murders occurred during (and exploited) the city's finest moment, the World's Fair of 1893. Larson's breathtaking new history is a novelistic yet wholly factual account of the fair and the mass murderer who lurked within it. Bestselling author Larson (Isaac's Storm) strikes a fine balance between the planning and execution of the vast fair and Holmes's relentless, ghastly activities. The passages about Holmes are compelling and aptly claustrophobic; readers will be glad for the frequent escapes to the relative sanity of Holmes's co-star, architect and fair overseer Daniel Hudson Burnham, who managed the thousands of workers and engineers who pulled the sprawling fair together 0n an astonishingly tight two-year schedule. A natural charlatan, Holmes exploited the inability of authorities to coordinate, creating a small commercial empire entirely on unpaid debts and constructing a personal cadaver-disposal system. This is, in effect, the nonfiction Alienist, or a sort of companion, which might be called Homicide, to Emile Durkheim's Suicide. However, rather than anomie, Larson is most interested in industriousness and the new opportunities for mayhem afforded by the advent of widespread public anonymity. This book is everything popular history should be, meticulously recreating a rich, pre-automobile America on the cusp of modernity, in which the sale of "articulated" corpses was a semi-respectable trade and serial killers could go well-nigh unnoticed.

- CVD's BABE OF THE WEEK -

If you like young cute whores, as I do, you should check out Little Caprice. You may think she looks like the innocent and adorable type but this girl's profession is fucking and sucking cock on screen. She's too good to be true! Little Caprice, who hails from the Czech Rebublic, enjoys british pop-rock, spicy Mexican food and fucking doggy style! Her main turnoff is "long romantic talks". My kind of girl!

- IN MEMORIUM -

Some sad news to report, longtime saxophonist for the E-Street Band and Kilbride favorite (you have heard him many times up on Myrick Place) Clarance "Big Man” Clemons passed away this weekend due to complications from a recent stroke he suffered earlier in the week. He is probably best known for his solo in Jungleland but I’ll always remember him from this song.

“I need a fucking elevator! ... I’m 60 fucking years old!”

Check out the big Clarance moments at approximately 2:35 and 5:15

Same song, but played in 1985 (minus Little Stevie). Had to show this because it’s too fucking funny. The 80’s were gold and check and Clarance’s dance moves!

- CODA -

After many deliberations The Classic has been cancelled this weekend, scheduled at TBD time later in the summer. It’s an unfortunate set of circumstances but that’s all we can do. See ya all next week.

2011 KSSL - Week 3 - Post-Mortem

Cletus Van Damme (cletus_van_damme@hotmail.com)

TUESDAY MORNING CATCHER

- Sunday June 12th, 2011 -

HUCK FIELD, St. John’s, NL

Too the surprise of noone, today brought us the worst in St. John’s...the weather. It was a complete dismal day all around, not a ray of sunshine or blue in the sky, and a wind that would cut through a cold blooded eskimo. Thankfully, the rain held out but even so, it was one of the coldest days I’ve ever been a part of at the Huck. The players were running laps before the game, not to get loose but to remain warm. Even Dave Pike and Steve Kenny, later on in the day, were seen cuddling each other to remain warm. And no, this was not an illicit affair of sorts.

4:00 p.m NT

6 4

	1	2	3	4	5	6	7	8	9	R
SI (1-2)	3	0	1	0	0	0	0	0	0	4	Final
LF (2-1)	2	0	1	0	0	3	0	0	-	6

JJ Dray's two triples leads the way for Lester's Farm

After a rapid start to the game, Stanley’s Irving, for the second time already this season, fell asleep at the plate losing to Lester’s Farm 6-4, behind some timely hitting.

In pregame warmups Rick Smith was overheard telling his teammates that they should try to hit the ball on the ground because of the wicked winds they were facing. After Robert Smith and Aoo Condon lead the game off for Irving with singles, surely enough, Rick hit a soaring fly ball to Derek Fleming. Not what I’d call a MVP move. For the day Smith went 1-4, with three fly outs. Greg Buck, who according to “Super Spear” Bobby Kent has been “taking a lot of shit from Kenny lately”, due to his constant banter at poker for declaring, “everyone will get at least two points at poker tonight, Buck’s here!”, stepped up to the plate. Kenny proceeded to yell, “Buck’s hitting cleanup! Sure I hit better than him last year!”. Well our good ole pal Bucky proved young Kenneth wrong by blasting a ball into the gailing winds of right field, bending the ball the way only a pro golfer can, for a triple and two runs. Mike Baird would add an RBI single, for a 3-0 lead.

After getting the first two guys out in the bottom of the 1st, and in what should have been an easy 1-2-3 inning, it would be ruined by last year's IF gold glover, Aoo Condon, who bailed away like a little ballerina on a Tommy Harris grounder. Lester's would bounce right on the miscue with Moe Smith banging a triple the other way, followed up by an RBI single from smasher Mike Brock. You don't see the Aoo Dogg make a mistake like that too often.

Essentially the game was absolutely dreadul after this. Basically the teams traded runs until the 6th innings and then Jonny Murphy pulled starting pitcher Brad O'Connell, who made his KSSL season debut this week after work commitments, for an inning to bring in the Splendid Splinter. Kenny, coming off last weeks gem, came in cold after spending the day catching. He started off by walking Dave Pike on five pitches, not a good start. KSSL fav, JJ Dray would then hit his second triple of the day. poking it the other way, scoring a run, tying the game. Tommy "Super Star" Harris, who has been abusing Kenny for what seems to be an eternity, came through with a RBI single, giving Lester's their first lead of the game and one they would not give up.

Irving would not score again (they actually wouldn't score again after the 3rd), they only managed 12 hits in the game and only 8 after the 1st. It was a sad performance for the team, even when you factor in the wind. Too many guys were tomahawking the ball into the air, not what I'd call smart hitting. They wasted a fantastic performance from O'Connell.

As for Lester's, they never exactly played a top notch game either but they helped themselves with some really solid D, three big triples, and jumping on Aoo's 1st inning blunder.

Game Notes: Derek Fleming had a game for the ages, striking out all three at bats. How...is...that...even...possible...???...

Editors Note: Supposedly the first inning error came from Jonny Murphy, NOT Aoo Condon. He did jump away like a ballerina, though, later in the game

Also of note, Aoo Condon was mentioned as last years gold glove IF, he actually won it two years ago. Jonny Murphy took down the crown last season.

- POGS -

JJ Dray (3-4, 2 R, 2 3B, RBI)

Greg Buck (2-4, R, 3B, 3 RBI)

- NOTABLES -

Moe Smith (2-3, 2 R, 2B, 3B, RBI) Tommy Harris (2-4, R, 2 RBI) Scott Murphy (2-3)

Robert Smith (3-4, 2 R, 2B) Aoo Condon (2-4, R) Steve Kenny (2-3)

5:30 p.m NT

7 6

	1	2	3	4	5	6	7	8	9	10	R
RR (2-1)	0	2	0	3	0	1	0	0	0	1	7	Final
PS (1-2)	0	0	0	1	0	1	0	4	0	0	6

Skinny Whitten's sac-fly in 10th is enough for Ron's Roofing to get by Pike's Store

After trailing for the majority of the game, Pike's Store rallied in 8th inning for four unearned runs thanks to a case of the Ross Courtney dropsies, only to falter in extra-innings 7-6, on a sac-fly by POG Skinny Whitten.

The Roofers jumped out to an early lead in the 2nd inning off RBI singles from Blair Marshall and, I can't believe I'm saying this, Brad Williams! After taking the blunt end of some menacing words from myself last week, Williams responded with a huge game (well for himself, anyways), going 2-3 and adding 2 RBI's. In the 4th, the Roofers extended their lead scoring three more runs, thanks to two errors on the same play from Super Baze Vallin and RBI's from newly minted KSSL player Robbie "Bumpers" Leamon (who hails from the softball breading grounds of Amhearst Heights) and spare Sharky Whelan.

Pike's would score their first run of the day when Ched Whelan, making his return from his three week sabbatical to Florida and Jamaica, and Ross Courtney made back-to-back errors. Just like in the earlier game of the afternoon, we were forced to witness another sad state of a game. The teams struggled for the next three innings, exchanging runs in the 6th inning.

The score was 6-2 heading into the bottom of the 8th when Ron's Roofing self-destructed after SURRISE! another Ross Courtney blunder. Courtney was just brutal on the day, going 0-5 and making three errors in the field. That's not all but we'll get to that in a bit. After the error Billy Gorman, Scott Howell and Robin Courtney came through with hits, scoring four runs for Pike's and tying the score at 6.

Blanks in the 9th would give us the first extra innings game of the young season. What I want to know is, when are the extra innings rules going to be sanctioned? Sometimes the 10th inning starts off as normal, with a runner starting on 2nd with 1 out if the game goes to the 11th, and sometimes the 10th inning starts off with a runner on 2nd with 1 out. There has to be some confirmation of the rules, or is it merely a time issue thing? Anyways this games extra's started off as normal.

Adam Smith started off the inning with an error on a Ross Courtney grounder by pulling up a little early probably because of the speedy runner. Koo Condon and Ryan Foley would follow with singles loading up the bases. With the bases juiced, and no outs, Ched grounded the ball a few feet in front of home plate, where Bil Sullivan pounced on the ball and dove back to the plate, making an incredible play, to get the force out, on a close play. Courtney would, SURPRISE!, go fucking bonkers. What's new? After dropping a few balls and lying/kneeling on the ground, where the bleacher creatures where heard screaming, "MEDIC!", Courtney proceeded to throw a hissy fit in the dugout, ala Big Z, screaming at the umps, kicking the water cooler and throwing things around. After the blowup, Skinny Whitten would hit a sac-fly, giving the Roofers the lead.

In the bottom half, after the first two runners got on with hits, Mental Murphy clamped down, getting the next three hitters out and ending the game.

Wow, this game was even worse than the first game. In all there were only three earned runs for the entire game. Costly errors was the name of this game.

The only thing of real value to talk about about with these two teams is Gord Payne. The dude is on fire, adding four more hits to resume. Gord is now 12-14 on the year, with a 0.857 AVG.

- POGs -

Skinny Whitten (3-4, 3 R, RBI)

Gord Payne (4-5, 3 R)

- NOTABLES -

Danny Mercer (3-5, 2 R) Brad Williams (2-3, 2 RBI) Shark (2-4)

Baze (3-5) Scott Howell (2-5, R, 2 RBI) Bill Sullivan (2-4)

- NEXT WEEK'S ACTION (PRO-LINE: KSSL EDITION) -

4:00 p.m @ V 2.20 T 3.15 H 2.40

5:30 p.m @ V 2.40 T 3.15 H 2.20

- MAILBAG - (Send your questions/comments to cletus_van_damme@hotmail.com)

After a solid first week, we're on to round 2!

Cletus, why hasn't anyone ever seen you at the field?

Barry, Lannon St.

Out of mind, out of sight...

Mr. Van Damme, what happened to the Heat last night?

Manny, Mooney Crescent

The Mavs, were the better team and earned the W and championship with some great D, big time shooting from Terry and that little twerp Barea. Yeah and Dirk was huge in the 4th (is David Stern ever gonna learn how to pronounce his last name, like, really!) after having a dreaful 1st half. Wade had an off game, after playing amazing for the first five, and the self-proclaimed King, The Chosen One, played passively...again,

Hey Cletus, love the blog, my question is, are you surprised Ryan Foley hit in the 3-hole this week, and do you think he will bat .400?

Baron, Cemetery Lane

Yeah, I was surprised Ched put him up that far but after this weeks game I think he'll be in a free fall, and bat towards the end of the lineup next week, in a game between the two 2-1 teams. And, YES, I do think he'll hit .400. I think he's love for golF has helped out his swing!

KSSL's own, Aoo Condon asks:

Cletus,

Any relation to Jean Claude.

Aoo

No, but I'm related to this guy

.

And finally...

CVD, who's going to win the classic?

VALLEY!

Send more questions in ya lazy, good for nothing fuckers!

- PROPAGANDA -

- CVD's MUSIC OF THE WEEK -

The best musician from the early Seattle grunge scene you probably never heard.

- CVD's BOOK OF THE WEEK -

City of Thieves

by David Benioff

This is the second novel from the guy who wrote the novel and screenplay for the 25th Hour (awesome flick) and is currently one of the showrunners for HBO's newest hit Game of Thrones, which is based off George RR Martin's epic series of novel's A Song of Ice and Fire. Benioff is total magic...

From Publisher Weekly

Starred Review. Author and screenwriter Benioff follows up The 25th Hour with this hard-to-put-down novel based on his grandfather's stories about surviving WWII in Russia. Having elected to stay in Leningrad during the siege, 17-year-old Lev Beniov is caught looting a German paratrooper's corpse. The penalty for this infraction (and many others) is execution. But when Colonel Grechko confronts Lev and Kolya, a Russian army deserter also facing execution, he spares them on the condition that they acquire a dozen eggs for the colonel's daughter's wedding cake. Their mission exposes them to the most ghoulish acts of the starved populace and takes them behind enemy lines to the Russian countryside. There, Lev and Kolya take on an even more daring objective: to kill the commander of the local occupying German forces. A wry and sympathetic observer of the devastation around him, Lev is an engaging and self-deprecating narrator who finds unexpected reserves of courage at the crucial moment and forms an unlikely friendship with Kolya, a flamboyant ladies' man who is coolly reckless in the face of danger. Benioff blends tense adventure, a bittersweet coming-of-age and an oddly touching buddy narrative to craft a smart crowd-pleaser

- CVD's BABE OF THE WEEK -

The lovely Stoya!

Originally from the Carolina's, Stoya is blessed with striking features and a lean, tight body. Completely natural, she stands tall at 5'7" and weighs in at 125 lbs. Her pale skin is accentuated by dark hair and full, pouting lips. With an affliction for pain and suffering, Stoya defines herself only as an android from the future. She loves to make clothes, read good books and play with her cats. Truly unique and intensely passionate, Stoya takes pride in her nudity and general moody perception of the world.

Who cares if she has sex on the screen, I don't know about you but she had me at, loves to play with her cats. What a gal!

If you wanna have fun with Stoya, you can check this out.

- CLAY MUTHAFUCKIN' DAVIS PRESENTS: SHEEEEEEEIT!

THE WIRE -

The greatest show ever...

This scene epitomizes the show

"The King Stay the King"

Here's my favorite cold opening ever, there's like 6 one line zingers. Check out this ghetto western and it's dialogue, written by the awesome novelist George Pelecanos and creator David Simon (this episode was only one of two episodes for the show to ever be nominated for an Emmy, that is a major crime!).

'Omar, listening"

- CODA -

Hopefully after yesterday's terrible slate of games, with a big assist from the horrendous weather we've been receiving, hopefully next week can be much better. It's looking like June 25th will be the date for The Classic so circle the date on your calender. See ya next week...