In the Mind of Cletus: 2011 KSSL - Week 5

Cletus Van Damme (cletus_van_damme@hotmail.com)

TUESDAY MORNING CATCHER ON A WEDNESDAY

- Sunday June 26th, 2011 -

HUCK FIELD, St. John’s, NL

After last weekend’s fiasco, we were treated to a quiet day without the jibber, jabber, and yapping from Japper (who was court ordered to stay away from the Huck until Canada Day), and thanks to this a couple of solid games were played.

4:00 p.m NT

		1	2	3	4	5	6	7	8	9	R
LF	(4-1)	1	0	5	1	0	0	1	0	2	10	Final
PS	(1-4)	3	0	0	1	0	2	0	0	2	8

Moe Smith's 5 RBI's leads Lester's Farm to 4th straight victory

After struggling for the first month of the season, the Home Run King, Morely Smith finally unleashed his vicious swing, hitting his first HR of the season and leading Lester’s to a 10-8 win over Pike’s Store.

In the 1^st inning, Adam “Fake Name” Smith did what he’s been doing all season long, knocking in runs with utter ease (what an asshole), by hitting his 3^rd dinger of the season, a two-run shot, giving Pike’s an early lead at 3-1, while adding to his KSSL lead in RBI’s at 15.

The lead would be short lived though, when Moe hit an inning ending grand slam for a five spotter in the 3^rd. The team would trade runs in the 4^th off of RBI’s from Jimmy Fitz and Scott Howell. In the bottom of 6^th, Pike’s would make it a game when Gord Bring the Payne brought the fucking Payne, providing an RBI single. Billy Gorman would add an RBI later in the inning making it 7-6 for Lester’s.

An unearned run in the 8^th would give Lester’s an 8-6 lead, heading into the 9^th. After Moe led the inning off with a single, Dexter Spurrell would hit a big time triple, adding to his teams lead and immediately following Scott Murphy would drive him in with a sac-fly.

Down 10-6, Pike’s would have to attempt to do what Lester’s has been doing for weeks, and that’s winning from behind. With one out, Gorman and Howell would hit back-to-back singles giving a glimmer of hope. After Chris Murph’s line out Freddy Cox, who was hitting a dismal 0.105, would help his average but more importantly his team by singling and driving in a run. Jason Whelan would quickly do the same by knocking in another run making the score 10-8, with runners on the corners. But the comeback would fall short when Robin “Replica” Courtney popped out to Tommy “Super Star” Harris, who somehow got the POG over Moe (huh?).

- POGS -

Tommy Harris (2-4, 2 R, 2B, RBI)

Adam Smith (3-4, 2 R, HR, 2 RBI)

- NOTABLES -

Moe Smith (3-4, 2 R, HR, 5 RBI) Dave Pike (2-4, R) Derek Fleming (2-3, R, RBI, 0 K’s)

Gord Payne (2-4, 2R, 2 RBI) Billy Gorman (2-4, R, RBI) Jimmy Rodden (2-4, 2 2B)

5:30 p.m NT

14 9

		1	2	3	4	5	6	7	8	9	R
SI	(3-2)	0	0	0	1	2	4	2	0	5	14	Final
RR	(2-3)	4	0	3	0	1	0	0	1	0	9

Nine years in the making, KSSL's first ever triple play not enough for Ron's Roofing, lose to Stanley's Irving

After finding themselves in a 7-0 hole, Stanley’s Irving stormed back to upend the defending champion Ron’s Roofing 14-9, behind some huge hitting from the top of their order, Robert Smith and Aoo Condon.

Heading into the game the Roofers seemed to be playing with a minor league squad. Missing in action was last year’s #2 hitter in average Luke Stoyles, pitching ace Mental Murphy, two weeks played, two POG’s Blair Connolly and speedster Ross Courtney. Even with a depleted lineup the Roofers came out like a bat outta hell scoring 4 runs in the 1^st inning, with Skinny Whitten, Blair Marshall, and Robbie "Bumpers" Leaman (ending his 0-11 drought to start his KSSL career) providing the RBI’s.

Dreadful, and I mean absolutely mind boggling dreadful, base running did Irving in the first two innings. After leading the game off with a hit, Robert Smith was thrown out at the plate after his big bro Rick hit a double. Then in the 2^nd inning, the thing that we’ll be reciting to our grandchildren in thirty years time occured, something that has been a long time in the making (divine intervention!), and a KSSL first ... a triple play! With runners on 1^st and 2^nd, last week’s hero Jason “Reggie” Hedges hit a liner into the shallow right field gap. Easy hit you’d say, right? If not for former Gold Glover Koo Condon, who immediately ran at the ball like he had a girthy ebony cock balls deep up his ass (I’d say he wanted OUT and FAST), sliding to the ball and nabbing it before it could hit the grass. Greg Buckingham was running with the desire of scoring, was nearly rounding 3^rd when he looked back with a serious case of buyers remorse, horrified to find out what just happened. So it's looking like an easy double play, right? How about three! Jeff Murphy, who started the play on 1^st, stood dumbfounded a foot from second base. A quick toss to Skinny and a TP 8-6-6 (however in the world you’d score it). Play of the year? Most definitely. Play of the decade? Of course! Good job Roofers!

By the time the 4^th inning rolled around, Irving found themselves down 7-0. They were finally able to break through with a run in the 4^th and they’d put up two more in the 5^th, making it a 7-3 game. Down 8-3 in the 6th their bats really came alive when the first five batters got on base. Steve Brown and Greg Buck hit back-to-back RBI doubles, and Mike Baird and Jonny Murph added a couple of sac-flys later in the inning. They would take their first lead of the game in the 7th when Aoo Dogg drove in two runs off a single.

The Roofers would tie the game in the bottom of the 8th when Skinny, who had three hits on the day, knocked in whoever was pinch running for an injured Ryan Foley. Blart, who continued with his early season struggles, would strand runners on 2nd and 3rd, ending the inning, and the game would be deadlocked at 9-9 heading into the 9th.

After running out of beers late in the game, Brownie appeared out of nowhere to save the day, providing his team with some luscious bottled beer. Tasting that sweet nectar off of glass must have ignited a little fire for Irving because they would beat the shit out of the ball in the inning, scoring five runs. Jeff Murphy would provide a major dagger, hitting a three-run jack over the right center wall. The Roofers would go down quietly in the bottom half and Irving would come out victorous with a big come from behind victory.

- POGS -

Robert Smith (5-5, 3 R, 2 2B)

Robbie Leaman (4-5, 2 R, 2 2B, 3 RBI)

- NOTABLES -

Aoo (3-5, R, 2 2B, 3 RBI) Jeff Murphy (3-4, 3 R, HR, BB, 3 RBI) Greg Buck (3-5, 2 R, 2B, RBI)

Ched Whelan (4-5, R) Skinny Whitten (3-5, 2 R, 2B, 2 RBI) Danny Mercer (3-5)

- NEXT WEEK'S ACTION (PRO-LINE: KSSL EDITION) -

4:00 p.m

V 2.70 T 3.15 H 2.10

5:30 p.m

V 2.50 T 3.05 H 2.20

Get your bets in!

- MAILBAG -
(Send your questions/comments to cletus_van_damme@hotmail.com)

After a one week layoff we're back, thanks to some feedback that has been lacking. This week one of KSSL's own asks a question, along with a former member.

New Blood

Cletus,

Love the column, sir. Every paragraph paints a picture so vivid, I feel like I am sitting on the third base line with the bleacher creatures on a foggy afternoon. I was wondering how you feel about the fresh blood in the KSSL? Steve Brown and Blair Connolly have really made a splash, and Jimmy Fitz' first official season has already shown signs of promise. I can't help but think this is great for the league going forward. Thoughts?

ps - a little correction - You recently referred to Aoo Condon as the reigning gold glove winner on the infield (week 3 Post-Mortem). However, The Fabulous Murphy Brothers (Jonny and The Bones) took down the infield and outfield awards, respectively, last year. Thought you should know!!

Keep it up, Cletus!!!

-- Adam 'Fakename' Smith

Yeah, it was looking like the league was going to take a bit of a hit in quality when guys like Mark Whalen, Jason Thompson and Kirk Stoyles retired but, as you mentioned, Brownie and Connolly have made big splashes so far for their teams. Brownie has been a pillar of hope for Irving, ringing off hit after hit, while Connolly has shown why Holy Cross is the best thing since sliced bread, hitting mad jacks and catching everything in sight. Even Jimmy Fitz has been doing his part, being a major contributer for the 1st place Lester's Farm. Another guy to keep an eye out for is Bumpers Leaman. After a shaky start to the season, and a good bit of bad luck, he was a terror in his last game, playing outstanding D on 3rd base and banging out four hits. The 1986 Moss Tournment doesn't seem so long ago anymore.

Thanks for the correction. My apologies to Jonny Murphy. There's an editors note attached to the week 3 post-mortem.

The End of the Home Run King?

Dear Cletus,

First, I would like to thank you for your hard work and dedication to KSSL web site, along with the weekly write-ups. You are doing a great job.It keeps a lot of people updated with some old pals and old faces.

I have been viewing the stats and noticed that a KSSL legend has yet to hit a home run. So, I was wondering if you have the time next week to take a few minutes and interview Morley “Shoeless" Smith, and ask him about his recent drought? Is he playing with an injury? Maybe he needs a eye exam?

Can his fans expect his power to return anytime soon?

Thanks

-- Robert Rodden

I spoke to him very briefly Sunday. He was a busy guy, coaching 3rd base. I asked him what was up? Is he playing injured? His fans are severely depressed because of his recent lack of power. Morley, a man of many words, answered with, check it, one word ... AGE. The waistline is expanding, the bat speed is getting a little (or is it?) slower. Could we be in store for a Willy Mays Drops a Ball In the World Series!, type of decline? Moe did hit his first homer of the season but we should be on the lookout for an end to an era.

- PROPAGANDA -

What is Cletus watching on TV?

There's a sadness within me right now. My thought process is incoherent. I'm extremely hungry but I can't decide what to eat because I can't concentrate. It should be, chicken or pizza? Lasagna? But no, my mind keeps going back to one thing and it's not Topsail Road Pizzeria either, it's Terriers - this totally awesome show I just finished watching, but sadly will never air another episode again.

Terriers aired on FX in the fall of 2010. It was created by Ted Griffin (the guy who wrote Ocean's Eleven), executed produced by Shawn Ryan (the creator of the AWESOME The Shield) and Tim Minear (Angel/Firefly/Wonderfalls). What a set of guys to run a show, seriously. It stars one of those under the radar guys, who is great in everything he does, Donal Logue, who plays Hank Dolworth, an ex-cop turned small time, down on his luck unlicensed PI. He partner's up with his buddie ex-thief Britt Pollack, played by Michael Raymond-James (formerly of True Blood).

This is probably the best show to come along in the past couple of years. It would never work without the amazing chemistry between it's two leads. Logue and Raymond-James have that good ole buddie bickering that's funny but not over the top, Let's Try Too Fucking Hard To Be Funny. It's the subtleness that works. In the shows opening scene Hank and Britt are chilling in their company "Gomez Bros Pool Service" truck, just shooting the shit when Hank says a tune popped into his head earlier and he needs help in remembering the name. Britt starts begging, knowing what's to come, and Hank goes on humming it to the begging/laughing Britt. Sounds boring, maybe even lame but it's just so fucking authentic, like any two good buddies you'd meet anywhere talking about random shit. They even bring back the humming of the song later in the episode, where both guys crack up again.

The show is essentially a buddy comedy with a hard-boiled noir setting in a beachtown in San Diego. I guess something you could compare it to is Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, well kinda anyways. But yeah, basically this show was made for me, with my love for crime fiction and the SoCal beach setting (thanks Don Winslow!). Terriers even brought out some top notch directors, with the likes of Craig Brewer (Hustle & Flow), Clark Johnson (who directed the pilot and series finales of The Shield and The Wire), Rian Johnson (Brick) and actor/director Adam Arkin (Sons of Anarchy).

Some TV shows may take a couple of episodes to find their groove but Terriers from scene one was on fire! The pilot sets up a season long arc but throughout the season we're given stand alone mission episodes of the week, sprinkled in with the arc. The show wasn't all about good times and laughing either. You start finding out how messed up these guys are, their backgrounds, how they met. Logue, who is known more for his comedic roles really stepped up to the plate in the drama section. I remember when I first heard about Breaking Bad and discovered that Bryan Cranston was playing Walter White, high school chemistry teacher/terminal cancer patient, turned meth dealer. Shit, I thought this role sounds perfect for Cranston. He was the funny dad in Malcolm in the Middle and this is a meaty role for the guy and he's gonna blow us away! A few Emmy nods and various award winning performances later and I'd say I was right. Well this role should have been that for Logue but unfortunately for some crazy reason Terriers was watched by so few. I guess it's like Arrested Development, a show you really can't sell to an audience, a show that no single line or trailer can show what it's about.

I'd recommend this show to everyone. Even though it got cancelled after one season (13 episodes) there's a beginning, middle and end, like a great novel. The season is wrapped up pretty perfectly and somehow the final scene feels like a series finale (even though it wasn't meant to be). I honestly believe in 10 years time people will be talking about this little gem as a one and done, gone before it should have like Freaks and Geeks is. Check this shit out and thank me later. Here's a trailer for the show...

- CVD's MUSIC OF THE WEEK -

Minus the Bear, a great experimental rock band from Seattle featuring former members of Botch, Kill Sadie and Sharks Keep Moving. Check this shit out...!

- CVD's BOOK OF THE WEEK -

Flicker by Theodore Roszak

This novel is billed as a book for film lovers. I would pretty much agree. Written by a guy who was more known for writing non-fiction novels, Theodore Roszak wrote a doozy of novel. It’s a really interesting and fun read, a magnum-opus, that start’s off as a pretty straight forward story set in the 60's and 70's, about Jonathan Gates, a guy with a love affair for cinema and film. It shows how he began loving film and going to the cinema, moving up in the ranks at his profession, and his love life, before spiraling into a Da Vinci Code-esque (long before the Da Vinci Code, though) conspiracy about his obsession for a German B-movie filmmaker, who made hidden movies within the film reels. Lots of crazy shit ensues and it’s good times to the end. Darren Aronofsky (Requiem For a Dream/Black Swan/The Wrestler) was attached to direct this years ago before the project fell apart. Hopefully we see it on film one day.

From Publisher Weekly

This latest effort by the author of the seminal The Making of the Counterculture is a quirky, sexy, sprawling novel that comprises, among other things, a magical mystery tour of the history of cinema, an acid satire on Hollywood and what passes for today's cultural avant-garde, a metaphysical puzzle, an exploration of the psychological impact of films and a parable about the modern spiritual wasteland. UCLA film scholar and critic Jonathan Gates becomes obsessed with legendary German expressionist filmmaker Max Castle, who went to Hollywood in the mid-1920s and whose vampire and ghoul B-movies are viewed by cult fans as deeply troubling evocations of evil. On the trail of Castle's dark past, Gates and his ex-girlfriend, tough-minded film critic Clare Swann, encounter medieval gnostic heresies, secret societies, a teenage genius albino movie producer and an aged Dutch ex-vamp who practices tantric-like sex. Crammed with film lore that will regale cinema buffs, the narrative segues from its realistic beginning into a bizarre, apocalyptic fantasy that eventually spins off the reel, illuminating in the end only a very private, muddled vision.
Copyright 1991 Reed Business Information, Inc.

- CVD's BABE OF THE WEEK -

Alison Brie, who some of you may know as Trudy, Pete Campbell's wife, in Mad Men, also stars in the best comedy you're probably not watching Community, as the young naive and ex-pill popping Annie Edison. I love her so much, she looks so lovely and check out those boobies! No she doesn't fuck on screen but not every whore has to really be a whore!

Check her out licking and sucking some strawberries and icecream in a skimpy outfit. Boobies! As Detta Walker in The Drawing of Three would say, I wouldn't mind her sucking on my "white candle".