2011 KSSL - Finals: Preview

Cletus Van Damme (cletus_van_damme@hotmail.com)

TUESDAY MORNING CATCHER ON A FRIDAY: SPECIAL EDITION 

2011 KSSL - Finals: Preview

- Friday, September 23th, 2011 -
 

So now it has begun! We have finally entered the home stretch of the season, the crème de la crème, the place were real men are born and champions are made…the KSSL finals!

On one hand you have Lester’s Farm, who led the regular season standings throughout the duration of the season, and on the other you have the defending champions Ron’s Roofing. Both teams were one game away from elimination in their respective semi-final series’, before overcoming the difficult predicament they were in - by pulling out victories in games two and three. So you can say both teams are riding high heading into the finals.

Lester’s were a surprise 1^st place team this year. The impressive thing about it was that they were able to do this minus the #1 overall pick, Tommy Harris, who missed a large portion of the season through injuries and getting himself married (side note: who is this incredible women to marry this slouch?). How did they manage to do this? Well let’s start off with JJ Dray. JJ really took the Toronto Blue Jays Flashback Fridays to heart this season, by reverting himself to a 90’s version of himself, by not only playing his usual stellar defense but by ripping the ball apart (finished 6^th in hitting with a .516 AVG). Instead of becoming an aging “has been” (Hello, Greg Haggerty!), JJ was arguably the most reliable member of Lester’s this season.

Next up you can talk about their amazing D, primarily from the left side of the infield with Dexter Spurrell on 3^rd and Dave Pike on SS. This was easily the best defensive left side in the league. Another important factor to their great infield was the improved play of Scott Murphy. Scott easily gets the CVD vote for most improved player this season. He was a pillar on 1^st base and came up with some clutch hitting. You can throw in late round steal Jimmy Fitz who is deceptively quick with the glove, batted .371 and had the league’s best ERA. Not too shabby. It’s too bad he wears that terrible fucking Mike Vick Eagles jersey. Hideous.

The outfield, minus JJ, also consists of KSSL career leader in HR’s and RBI’s Morely Smith. Moe, besides being the dynamite hitter and fielder that he is, always seems to hit that HR when your team truly needs it. He’s a gamer. Derek Fleming is also around for a few laughs, due to his 25% strike out rate (KSSL career leader in this category). Keep the K’s coming, baby! Tommy “Superstar” Harris is ready to go full force for the finals. His combination of speed, power, brains, and glove is something no other player in the league has. Finally there is CVD favorite, Mike Brock. For every time he calls someone a “cunt”, good ole Brock smashes a moon shot HR. What a guy! Rounding out the roster is the experienced Phil Grouchy, who adds much needed leadership to the lineup, Chris Ryan Jr., a super utility player, and Keith Pope, who as the year went on improved his batting steadily.

The defending champions Ron’s Roofing are heading into the finals with one simple mission…to repeat. Led by Ched Whelan the Roofers were able to scrape by Stanley’s Irving in a hard fought three game series. The Roofers main problem this season seemed to be fielding their complete roster on any given Sunday. If it wasn’t Luke Stoyles falling off a ladder, it was guys like Mental Murphy and Robbie Leaman pulling their hammies running the bases, Ross Courtney’s body shattering after dropping a ball, or the ‘will he/won’t he’ show up of Blair Connelly. Finally it seems the team is at full force.

The glaring weakness heading into the season for the Roofers was outside of former Gold Glove winner Skinny Whitten, how was their infield D going to shape up? In comes former Waterford Valley legend Robbie Leaman. After a rough start to the season, mainly because he hasn’t played ball in awhile, Bumpers quickly made Ched forgot that hole he thought he’d have to worry about on 3rd. Ryan Foley and Blair Marshall, two catchers/1^st base players (which essentially in KSSL dictionary means that you are worthless) shared duties on 2^nd base. And while neither are exactly known for their Robbie Alomar range, they both went deep into the season without making an error. Then there’s Lucky, or as I like to call him Unlucky, Luke Stoyles. Let’s face it, Luke is one of the premium hitters in the league. A late season addition of Kirk Stoyles adds much need speed and debt to the roster. Finally Mental Murphy, with his junk, takes the mound. The great thing about Mental is that when it’s time to really get a hit, he’ll always come through in the clutch.

The Roofers real strength lies in their amazing outfield. Ched Whelan is the star of the bunch. Ched for the past half decade always manages to finish in the top five of the Triple Crown categories. On top of this, the young stud is the surest of sure catches in the entire league. Koo Condon, who took all kinds of hate from Steve Kenny this season, because of his abnormal early season hitting, seemed to find the light at the end of the tunnel after he got thrown into the drunk tank after an all night bender late in the season. Koo has been tearing the shit out of the the ball ever since. And remember this, Koo is the guy who runs after balls like a monster girthy ebony cock was just inserted up his ass. Rocket launcher! Remember that one Jonny Murph? One of the KSSL’s breakout stars, Blair Connelly, holds the fort in RF. Also included is the speed demon Ross Courtney, who has seemed to find his niche playing rover. Finally there’s the worst career hitter in KSSL Brad Williams. What can you say about Brad besides his KSSL history worst batting average and pulling a Buckner in last weekend’s game 3? Not much….

CVD’s 100% Guarantee 

After going a pathetic 0-4 on predictions for this year’s Classic, I fully guarantee I’ll get it right this time. Here’s the breakdown:

Pitching: ADV Ron’s Roofing

Debrief: As good as Jimmy Fitz has been this year, the advantage has to go to Mental Murphy. Mental is a huge question mark though, having missed last week’s action due to an injured hammy. Even so, if Mental isn’t ready to go Luke Stoyles can jump right into his place.

Infield: Slight ADV Lester’s Farm

Debrief: Pikey and Dex’s stout D, is enough for the slight edge over “Pull Hitter!” Skinny and Luke.

Outfield: Slight ADV Ron’s Roofing
 

Debrief: Ched vs Moe = Push; Koo > JJ; Connelly > Brock (I’ll take his D over Brock); Tommy > Ross

Deciding factor here is the Roofers have more speed, hence more range, to make the difficult catches.

Intangibles: ADV Ron’s Roofing

Debrief: Defending champions earn right to have this one.

Final Outcome: Roofers in 3.

Playoff MVP: Ched Whelan

* Remember: This is 100% guaranteed

In case you’re wondering the KSSL Pro-Line odds for winning the championship are:

2.40

2.30

A song for the road, Isis & Aereogramme - Low Tide