2012 KSSL Preview

  Cletus Van Damme (cletus_van_damme@hotmail.com)

After a thrilling 2011 campaign, where Ron's Roofing were down to their final out before miraculously coming back to win in extras, then the next game, where they took down the championship, all the scum and dirt bags, Kilbride's worse!, are back for one more go around, the KSSL's 10th anniversary season.

 

This year, all four captains are back and they're led by the two-time defending champions Ron's Roofing, who are captained by Ched Whelan. Let's call a spade a spade, the other three captains are out for blood. There will be no more fucking around this season. Nobody wants to see a three-time champ so everything is out in the open.

 

Team Fun?

Let's break some shit down, starting with a little rundown of the four teams. First up are the self-imposed, "Team Fun", Stead Lumber. These jokesters are led by their captain Jonny Murph, who is making the selfless jump over to 1st base this season. Lumbers entire infield is made of up of former gold glover's. Check this out, besides Murph they have Aoo Condon on 3rd, Dave Pike on short and Skinny Whitten on 2nd. Gulp...Rounding out the infield is pitcher Jimmy Fitz and Blair Marshall, as the resident drunk catcher. Seeing how they have this pretty incredible infield, you may thinking "Well 'Team Fun' must have a weak outfield?". Right?  Well the assumption would be incorrect. In CF is last season's MVP and the #1 overall pick in this years draft, Robert Smith. The corner outfielders has another former gold glover Jeff Murphy in RF and Freddy Cox in LF. In rover is the game 1 MVP of Nate Dogg's stag, Jason "Reggie" Hedges. Reggie who is coming off a blistering 6/6 at the stag, has suddenly turned a new leaf. Formerly, all he wanted to be was the resident catching drunk, with no hopes and no dreams, but now there has been some chatter about Reggie extending his wings, playing outfield exclusively. Folks, there will be no more, let's all get drunk and who gives a fuck what happens, Reggie. We may finally be seeing the hockey superstar turn into the softball superstar, yet, still drunk and totally fun. Rounding out the roster are utility players Chris Ryan Jr and Brad Williams, who only has one goal in mind for '12, hitting .300.

Can Gorman finally become a champion  captain

Next up is Johnny's Fish & Chips. These punks are led by Billy Gorman, who may have the worst career captaincy winning percentage of all-time at .333. Come on, Billy. Get your shit together, man. Johnny's infield consists of some quality ball players. At short, Billy's first pick is a guy from down in the Valley (not Waterford) Adam Smith. Fake Name has been one of the better players these past couple of season's, after a rough start to his early KSSL career. Next up is one of last season's playoff heroes, and main beer provider, Luke Stoyles. Luke will probably pitch for this ragtag team. Over on 3rd is former gold glover Dexter Spurrell and the infield rounds out with Scott Murphy and Scott Stuckless, who will probably share duties on 1st, and Dave Penney on 2nd (I suppose). Billy should be included somewhere in the infield mix. I'm not exactly sure what he has in mind for these guys. The outfield consists of the very speedy Ross Courtney in CF,  Steve "Can of Corn" Brown in LF and KSSL favorite, and all-time leading strikeout player, Derek Fleming in RF. Utility/catcher/rover are Weiner and Pat S (Pat Silver?). Is another .333 season in the cards for this crew? We shall see...

 

Expect Year Two to a big one for Bumpers.

The next team up is Kilbride Taxi, who are headed by Moe Smith, who's teams have fallen to the mighty Ron's Roofing two years running. When I talked about blood a little earlier it's coming straight from the likes of Moe. He wants to win at all costs and if he has to take some fuckers eye out in the process, then so be it. Moe has once again stacked his team with a shit load of talent and a few of his usual's. At short Moe has lined up arguably the greatest player in KSSL history, big bad Rick Smith. Rick is sick of losing in the KSSL playoffs, he's so fucking sick of losing in The Classic, so expect a big rebound year from the former triple crown winner. At 3rd is Kirk Stoyles, who is making a full time return this season. 2nd base may be shared by Keety Pope and last playoffs MVP Ryan Foley. One of the main question heading into the season is, is Ryan Foley a one playoff fluke? Too be determined...I'm not sure who'll be playing 1st base but Robbie "Bumpers" Leamon can play anywhere so we may see him thrown over there or even at 2nd. Bumpers has been working out like a warrior this past year, jogging over every inch of Newfoundland's great land so I'm expecting big things in his second season from this marathon man. The final piece to the infield puzzle is ace Steve Kenny at pitcher. Just like Reggie, at Nate Dogg's stag, the man they call Splinter was the game 2 MVP, jacking a home run for the ages that made Mike Brock's moonshots look like his bitch. Word is, Splinter is declaring he's only going for jacks this year. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not...The outfield starts off with the KSSL legend JJ Dray in CF and CVD favorite Gord Payne in RF. Last season's gold glove outfielder Scott Howell fills out the other corner spot. Moe will handle his usual rover duties and the roster is filled out with Robin Courtney and another CVD favorite Super Baze Vallin.

 

The founding fathers

Tommy Harris?

Finally, it's time to talk about the two-time defending champions, Ron's Roofing. Unlike in past years, this team is filled with a whole bunch of new faces. No more drunkenness, no more Skinny Whitten making a fool of himself, no more Blair Marshall making these weird, awkward faces after winning the championship...it's gone. The only guys back from last years squad are Ched, Koo Condon and Michael Murphy. Different faces, but will there be different results? Well the infield starts off with the founding fathers of the league Jimmy Rodden at short and Brad O'Connell on the mound. Mental Murphy will in all likelihood be sharing pitching duties with Brad. One of the league's more unheralded players, Chris Murphy, will probably start the season off at 2nd base. KSSL newcomer, Sean "Joey" Cole may get the calling over on 3rd. I'm not exactly sure will this kid will play. Last years most improved player Mike Baird will anchor 1st base. The outfield, is a dandy, with another CVD favorite Koo Condon in CF, Ched in LF, and another KSSL newcomer Nate Martin in RF (Ched loves to steal newcomers late in the draft, what a fucker!). The big question mark coming into this season surrounds Tommy Harris. There's been major rumors floating around that the former "Superstar" has fallen on hard times and has become Tommy "Pizza Boy" Harris. The rumors may in time be proven to be unfounded, but you can never really guess what an offseason can do to a person. Rounding out the roster is savvy vet, catcher Phil Grouchy and Kilbride's funny guy and power hitter Mike Brock.
 

CVD’s Predictions

 

Regular Season

 

Kilbride Taxi 9-6

Ron's Roofing 9-6

Stead Lumber 7-8

Johnny's Fish & Chips 5-10

 

Championship

 

Kilbide Taxi over the Roofers in 3

 

Batting Champ

Gord Payne

 

 

Home Run Champ

Rick Smith

MVP 

Jason Hedges

Playoff MVP

Moe Smith

Over/Under: How many gameday appearances will Japper make? 7.5

 

I'm taking the over.

 

CVD Stats Tracker

The new home run king?

 

There were a couple of big time bets that took place on draft night. Steve Kenny and Blair Marshall made bets on who would hit more home runs and who would have the higher batting average. Ryan Foley and Blair Marshall also made a bet on who would hit more jacks. Then things got really interesting when Splinter declared he would hit more homers then Aoo and Koo Condon, Jeff Murphy, Ryan Foley and Blair Marshall...combined. That home run at Nate Dogg's stag has really gone to his head. Has anybody else out there made any bets? This shit should be interesting.

So that's a wrap on this little 2012 KSSL preview. Make sure you all show up for the first game. Some early bird bleacher creatures would be a good way to start off the season.